Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2011 10:22:18 GMT -6
"The spirit world is definitely trying to tell you something about your feet JC. I think you're right, you should go see a foot doctor too." (from lorelei, above) This remains to be seen . I am curious about it. The foot caressing was weird. To me, it depicts that my left heel was recently healed again, so I am definitely comforted. Caressing, to me, is a comfort, a reassurance. But the dream I was having, it happened at a very odd time. Or did it. Hmmmmmm. another one of my dreams....... The small portion of a dream where a lady talked to me about popping a toe. That was out of no where, but I did quit messing with my toe, just in case . I thought popping this toe helped, and I see no difference with not popping it. I curl my toes a lot, at night. It's just an obvious part of the "tensing" I do of different parts of my body while I am sleeping. I do my toes a lot more since I quit grinding my teeth. Just so glad that I don't have to get up several times like Lois does . I would like to go to a dr. for orthotics. I wear store bought ones, and they do OK. Note to skywalker: You must be blessed with great bone structure. I can't run anymore because my dr. says it is too jarring (you mentioned this to lorelei on her thread) and I have had numerous bone misplacements due to injury, etc.. Of course some people also have genetic differences to their bone structure. My mom says that my sister's foot (which one?) was "turned wrong" from birth. The dr. told her to massage this foot a certain way just every time she changed her diaper. I'm now wondering if the foot was really mine. And, one of my dtrs has a similar problem with a foot. She runs track, but this foot/ankle is always puffy after practice.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2011 10:46:04 GMT -6
Now, back to my posts from last night. I was very tired. To me, when I read it today, I can imagine me confusing a reader... The movie "Inception". Interesting, to say the least, but in my opinion, too far-fetched. But it scared me a little how his wife lost track of what was real, and what was dream, and ended up killing herself. I don't feel this way. A teen-age friend once talked bout killing herself, and it put some "distance" in our friendship, I'm sorry to say. At the time, I couldn't imagine even thinking of this. (she is happily married with 2 children these days, as far as I know). My dreams were often terrifying, and as a child I can recall some of them coloring my day, but a person has to get past that . Anyway, my "lucid dreaming" consists of making up some pleasant story as I'm going to sleep, and hoping that I continue the story as I sleep. Sometimes....... and then there's other times where I'm already in a dream, and I ask (silently) for something to change, and it does. Dreams are often random, bits and pieces, no value to me at all. Just "clutter". So, I purposely decided to look for time (clocks) in my dreams. Before this decision, I had never seen a clock or any other reference to time in my dreams. I'm on a tight schedule during my week days. Always making sure (by checking time) that I'm on schedule. So, the rest of my life I purposely don't check time, don't wear a watch, etc. I love the telephone. I can use it when I want to, listen to messages when I want to, answer calls when I want to. I had to get used to my kids expecting instant results. I admit that I am quite selfish in this area. I tend to classify as emergency/non-emergency for everything.
|
|
|
Post by skywalker on Nov 12, 2011 18:15:38 GMT -6
I've been an athlete pretty much all of my life and I suppose I am kind of built for it. I started playing sports when I was 7, started lifting weights when I was 11, and running long distances at 13. I don't know if my body adapted because I was an athlete or if I became an athlete because of the way my body was. My older bro was very athletic also and he almost played professional baseball. My younger bros and sister are not athletic at all. Interestingly my older bro and I are the two biggest people in the family. Coincidence? I have had my share of injuries though. I've broken my leg twice, my big toe once, sprained my ankle at least two dozen times and injured my knee twice. That's just the lower extremities. My feet may be fine but my knees and ankles have seen better days. I still think that exercise could cure a lot of the problems that many people in society have...as long as they don't go overboard with it like I sometimes do.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2011 10:52:52 GMT -6
Sky: ~hugz~
JC said: "Of course some people also have genetic differences to their bone structure."
I'm "double jointed" in my hips and shoulders. When I injured my shoulder during that sleepwalking incident the doctor told me that. He said that was the main reason why I injured it so easily... it's just the way my ball and socket joints are.
I always freak people out because I do this sometimes: I put my hands behind my back and hold my palms together as though praying with the fingers pointing downwards and everybody can do that. I then turn my fingers up while they are in the same position. Nobody else can do that... lol...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2011 6:05:06 GMT -6
I posted a dream I just had. This is a first, when it comes to "journaling", so please be kind . I'm a little embarrassed....just that it came so fresh from my sub-conscious, and the material, of course. I also have not had such an intense, long dream as this, in a while. It seems these days if I have a nightmare it's more like a "microburst" of one; generally about something I must be worried about. A few nights ago I dreamed that I moved into a new home, and my first night to spend there I came home to my son having a huge party.....lol. I wasn't super upset, but it still had a nightmare-feel; all the weird twists to it... Now, finding something to laugh about in my latest dream.............. (note: I've been up again. Got coffee and apple juice. I've been awake since 4:00 am and it's now 6:00 am. Still not ready to "drive a car" , for example. I could, but prefer to be more alert. Obviously I can put a sentence together. My work day starts at 9:00....)
|
|
|
Post by skywalker on Nov 15, 2011 19:56:29 GMT -6
No need to feel embarrassed about your dream, Jcurio. Thanks for posting it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2011 23:43:17 GMT -6
Thanks skywalker . I just hope I don't have one like this......again
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2011 12:14:01 GMT -6
First OBE. I say first, because it is a common new age (?) thought that after you have done it once it becomes easier. IF I have had another one, or two, or..... it isn't something I'm pursuing. Would have to be totally accidental, just as this was. And, I have talked about this accident, out loud, with others. Depending on who I'm talking to, I may leave out the "OBE" part. In fact, if anyone here has knowledge on OBE's and wants to say that's not what I experienced, I'm fine with that . One of my childhood friends had a cement swimming pool in her backyard. I don't know how we "pulled this off" with no adult supervision, or why a parent never showed up. We both swam a lot and had lessons since we were really little, so we thought we could do anything, I guess. We made up a game. We took the rope that separated the shallow end from the deep. One of us would put the weight belt on (her dad wore with scuba gear to vacuum the bottom of the pool) and walk along the bottom of the pool. The other person would stand beside the pool on dry land and hold one end of the rope. The person in the water would hold the other end and tug on the rope when they needed pulled up for air. I'd like to say she went first. And let me just get this part out of the way. It's stupid to talk about it in the horror of the moment. I want to say that "drowning" is easier than we think. I just say that for all the people lost to this death for whatever reason.....but it makes sense that when a person takes that first "breath" of water it immediately knocks the person unconscious. No pain. Those moments of trying to get air, wanting to live, are the most terrible moments ever. BUT I'm painfully aware how easy people can cause someone to drown by regular play in the pool; just dunking and the like. You suck in water; it starts the process. I was 8 years old. It was a bright, beautiful day. We could have found many other things to do. Somewhere along the way, in the deep end, when I tugged on the rope, she (my friend) didn't pull me up. I thought. Either already out of air, or sensing the gravity of my situation, I let go the rope. I remember seeing it in front of me after that. I turned my body and jumped for the side of the pool. I missed the top by inches. I tried again. Maybe missed by more this time. I could see my friend standing there, on the side of the pool, like a statue. I tried to get the weight belt off. Both by undoing it, and trying to slide it down off my waist (I had bruises from this later). I saw the rope drifting. BAM. Out of seemingly no where, I'm now looking at my lifeless body laying on the bottom of the pool. The body is distorted by the water, it's like I'm still in the water (though higher than 10 feet above because of its size), but I know that body down there is me. No sadness, no pain. Not even "wonder". Yet . A voice says "Try again". I know what that means. Suddenly I'm back in my body, and I jump again, as hard as I can. Arms raised, I crash into a metal ladder, grab hold, and pull myself out of the pool. I lay there, in the bright sun, gagging and gagging. My friend looking on. I don't know why I never tried to walk up the slope of the pool (probably very steep, if I recall correctly). I don't know why I didn't think about the ladder that was midway between the deep end and the shallow end. I don't really know why I let go of the rope. I think my friend did initially ask me why I let go of the rope. We did end up "ok" after the event. Kind of talking about little things, and trying to smile. I can recall us knowing to not tell the adults, but whether we discussed this or not, I don't know. She must have not told any one because I never heard about it through other kids. I think we both were pretty scared, and relieved. I did swim in her pool another time, another day after that, but pleasure of that pool was gone. I still love water . For a long time after that I would practice at a pool my family was joined to. Swimming the length of the pool and farther while holding my breath. It wasn't a "fear" thing. Just something I wanted to do. I didn't think much about the "voice". Just knew I had been "saved". All these years later, all these studies about "near death experience" going on in our world, I still feel that "someone" saved me. I didn't see anyone. The voice was not mine. It was very clear and loud and I couldn't tell you if it was male or female, honestly. I don't even think back on this event as a horrible experience, though I know it was. I've heard talk about there being a "silver thread" attached between our physical body and our ethereal body. I never saw it. But this rings true.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2011 13:01:21 GMT -6
I just posted on another thread about "feeling" like someone is your "true" brother or sister. I expressed that we all have felt this at one time or another (I believe) ;D . During my separation and divorce I felt it was important that I find a church that I could call "home". My children were young and had always gone somewhere; even sometimes without me (a family member took them). This particular April, at a large auditorium type church (at an old ice skating rink in my neighborhood) a young lady walked up to my children and I and asked if she could take our picture. The picture would be up on the large screen in a series, on Mother's Day. I normally would have instantly said "no". But I didn't. This "young lady" and I had an instant "kinship" feeling, and became fast friends. (Our picture was on that large screen for all to see on Mother's Day, too.) In fact, this church also encouraged "home groups" during the week, and I had recently tried one. The second or third time I went, this young lady was there. It seems this was her regular home group but she had missed a few weeks. I even felt better going now, because she was a single woman and the rest of the families were happily married. One day I picked her up on the way to group (always at someones house). My children were elsewhere and our conversation took a weird turn. She told me quite confidently "You are going to dream tonight". (I still didn't know her very well, but had that "blood-relative feeling".) I recall wanting to change the subject. We didn't hang out together at group. My friend was born in Hawaii and is obviously from there. Beautiful, with long dark, dark straight hair and a short, stocky, almost naturally muscular body. She grew up in CA. and had moved to Kansas City in the last 4 years. I have been blessed by her friendship and I'm sad that she has now moved back to CA., as are many others whose lives she's touched. She had (has) an "unorthodox" approach to G_d that it is now ok to tell about. She would often fast. Then only eat raw foods, for a period of time. Then, alone in her locked bedroom (she always had roommates sharing a house), when she felt like G_d was going to speak to her, she would strip down and cover her entire body with anointing oils. Other times, she felt G_d just giving her a "message", like riding in a car with a friend (such as me ). The dream. With much thought I have decided to put my past dreams on this thread. New dreams, hopefully in journal fashion, will go on the dreaming....again thread. ;D Wow, I haven't thought about this dream in a while. I may try to find it where I emailed it to a friend, and compare, later. I dreamed I was "spirit". By this I mean that I could move about in the dream from ground to air, etc. with ease. I wasn't a bird, and I didn't have wings (yet ). I was an "observer" yet I was also able to "pop" into a body that looked like myself, when swimming in the lake. First I was above the lake, looking down on a small village near the shore. My new, Hawaiian friend was standing on the shore, looking at me, and frowning. Why the frown? Don't know. She is dressed as an Indian princess. Long buckskin (?) gown with many colored beads, and one feather in her hair, standing up from the back near her crown. Her arms are folded on her chest. Behind her is a hut with a thatched roof of sorts. The hut is round and the area is smokey from a smoldering fire. Then, I am in the lake, swimming with a young man. The lake is bigger than it looked from the air. The young man is not a love interest. We are exploring the lake together. He is dark-ed skin and thin, but has my friends eyes. We know him (?). Him and I go very deep in the lake, and at first the water is murky, but it clears and we can see well. I am unafraid. We can hold our breaths long and we find man-made shelves carved into the rock and many man-made things (such as pottery) down here. It is exciting. That part of the dream is over too soon and I am climbing alone out of the lake. I seem to be at a distant shore; the hut is visible, and the form of my friend, is far away. As I climb out, many hands are grabbing at my ankles! I don't understand this, but break free, and start on a path going away from the lake. That was disturbing, but I'm not going to let it bother me. I do tend to look down at my bare feet as I walk, and the path winds. It goes up a hill, fairly smooth, not terribly rocky, but with little vegetation. I soon come to my "council" (I've talked about this before on the other forum). They are old, Indian-looking men in long robes and different headdresses. I feel they are wise. I feel respect for them. One of them asks me a question. I answer. He shakes his head and seems disappointed. They all seem to fade from the scene (disappear slowly), I feel sad, and I begin to walk a high ridge behind where they were sitting on rock ledges (in tier fashion). I become spirit again, and this time, when I look at myself, I am an eagle! Cool! maybe I am rewarded after all! (that's how it feels-like I was rewarded). I climb higher in the skies, I'm at ease, everything is so beautiful, and.... I wake up.
|
|
|
Post by lois on Nov 20, 2011 23:33:46 GMT -6
I think maybe this dream means you are going into a very positive time in your life, but what do I know about dreams?
Do you have any past with Indians? Do you live in a climate like in your dreams? It may all be symbolic and nothing to do with where you live.. I think this dream is a very beautiful dream, what ever it is sounds like only good will come from it.
I can never remember an entire dream with a beginning a middle and a end.. Mine are all mumble jumble.. I did when I was young.. but have not in many years.
Entering other body forms is like spirit. all I can say is Wow JC!!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2011 14:20:03 GMT -6
I agree. Wow! That's an amazing dream experience JC!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2011 22:46:20 GMT -6
Lois, I acknowledge in another thread (don't recall which one) that I relate well with native people. My family does not call us a "certain type/tribe", but some of my family do retain the Indian last name. It is a rare name, and I have cousins who are "proud". What's funny about this, is it STILL is not the family name. Skywalker mentioned that I may have "secrets", and I know this one . My ancestor did not want people to know where he came from, so he started using this "other name". I would prefer to live in this climate.....but it is not to be so . I do visit there. I never knew I had an interest in history and artifacts. The underwater "shelving" I saw in my dream (with pottery, etc.) was later discovered in the oceans off Japan. At least that's what it looked like to me. I knew the "dream lake" was really too big to be in Arizona. I have to "get outside", no matter the temp., but prefer dry heat. I feel like this earth is my home. I long for companionship with my Father, but do not stare at the sky missing Him. The sky feels too far away. It is beautiful. I strive (since childhood) to respect and cherish the natural world close to me. There is a bird (wild) I have named and seen for 2 years in the area. Sometimes when I call out his (her?) name he calls back to me ;D . He is huge, but Not a turkey buzzard (a large bird common here). I have had neat little experiences like this with animals, etc. My hair is naturally black (I am now a blond ;0 ) We (my family) tend to go from black hair straight to white hair; no gray. My eyebrows and lashes are black. I have little body hair. My skin is always tan (people tell me) but I can get really dark in the sun, and really white in no sun (IMO). My dark hair would turn red in the summer with sun and constant chlorine in the pool, so the next step was to try for blond. It does "lighten me up". My eyes are green, but with my history of "brooding moods" and dark hair, sometimes my eyes look brown. My hair texture is fine, but I have lots and it is curly. The "joke" at my job is that I'm "mixed". It works well for me. I am . The family genes I can verify are that I am a "Finn". I hope, Lois, that you don't now think me "pagan"..... rumor has it that it was the mysterious Finns that caused all the witch-hunts of 'salem. I think every old culture has its magic.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2011 18:41:22 GMT -6
I dreamed I was "spirit". By this I mean that I could move about in the dream from ground to air, etc. with ease. I wasn't a bird, and I didn't have wings (yet ). I was an "observer" yet I was also able to "pop" into a body that looked like myself, when swimming in the lake. First I was above the lake, looking down on a small village near the shore. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I can somewhat relate to this part . Something Ill disclose, which Ive never done before, is during the time I was experiencing severe pain(still do at times) I was having a difficult time coping with it so I briefly went to see a therapist. Something she did during one of the sessions is she hypnotized me and taught me self hypnosis. After experimenting with it I started having dreams of running alongside the beach and leaping in the air to great heights . Later I started hovering in the air and it was a feeling I cant describe,I guess great would be the word. I havent exercised this for some time but need to start again. One of the last times I posted on here I mentioned that I hadnt had dreams for quite some time, I guess I spoke too soon because shortly after, for two nights in a row, I had nightmares . I didnt last night though, Im glad for that .
|
|
|
Post by skywalker on Nov 25, 2011 20:14:16 GMT -6
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2011 20:47:02 GMT -6
I dreamed I was "spirit". By this I mean that I could move about in the dream from ground to air, etc. with ease. I wasn't a bird, and I didn't have wings (yet ). I was an "observer" yet I was also able to "pop" into a body that looked like myself, when swimming in the lake. First I was above the lake, looking down on a small village near the shore. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I can somewhat relate to this part . Something Ill disclose, which Ive never done before, is during the time I was experiencing severe pain(still do at times) I was having a difficult time coping with it so I briefly went to see a therapist. Something she did during one of the sessions is she hypnotized me and taught me self hypnosis. After experimenting with it I started having dreams of running alongside the beach and leaping in the air to great heights . Later I started hovering in the air and it was a feeling I cant describe,I guess great would be the word. I havent exercised this for some time but need to start again. One of the last times I posted on here I mentioned that I hadnt had dreams for quite some time, I guess I spoke too soon because shortly after, for two nights in a row, I had nightmares . I didnt last night though, Im glad for that . I'm glad you're not having nightmares anymore touched... I'm sorry to read that hun! ~hugz~ JC, I'm part Native too.. my sister looks like a Native (Dark skin, eyes and hair) but I don't... lol... people did not believe we were sisters when we were younger (I'm six foot tall... she's five four but will tell you five five ;D) but now that we are adults we look identical in the face... and apparently sound identical over the phone... only difference is I am more "articulate" and utilize a bigger vocabulary according to mom...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2011 13:50:08 GMT -6
Yes, sky. Even in the first few minutes . I will plan to watch the whole video later today. Thanks! I do want to see this for myself, and hope I can, despite the earthquakes in this area. Japan in general is on my "to do" list. I've never scuba-dived. I think I could learn easy enough; just have to get over my fear of sharks . Thanks for sharing, touched. That is awesome that you tried an alternative method for pain, instead of just doping! I think "flying" is a very positive thing also. Even if it's jumping and staying aloft . Maybe you're like a baby-bird learning, and will be able to fly "at will". That would be cool! If you want to share your bad dreams ever, we are here. I am learning to be thankful for my nightmares. If there is a lesson to be learned, even as simple as my awake life is such a blessing, I am going to be teachable . I've had very few "flying dreams". Only one negative feeling. The others I do consider as a sign for happiness. The "negative" one I was flying with many others in a large dark cathedral type room, and couldn't escape that room. I was like a huge half-human, half-bat. This "room" was also in the "mansion" I have mentioned in another dream. The "mansion" represents something (?), I guess. I have left that "mansion" (in another dream) of my own free will, and been able to wander and discover the beautiful green hills, streams, and other villages ;D . I don't think it (the green fields) represents Heaven, but man, I feel great after waking up after this! The movie "Shadowlands", with gorgeous scenes of green fields, is a good representation of what I see. lorelei, I wonder how much "native" you are? paulette and I share theories of bloodlines, and you being psychic....? Of course this "theory" to some is worthless. I do joke about such things. I work with quite a few people whose skin is darker than mine. Everyone compares skin color . So, when someone says "this person is from Africa" I said, "aren't we all??" They laughed. My sister is extremely white; cannot tan. She has blue eyes and straight hair. My brother is tan year-round and has green eyes. Both of them, dark, straight hair. All 3 of my kids have my curly hair, but different texture. Dark hair. My son, green eyes and tan. My daughters, very blue eyes, and tan-less. They seem to have grown out of their freckles (?). My brothers kids all get dark, regardless of eye color. Dark hair, except one very blonde (?). They all have freckles. What if humans are pretty interesting just because of all our variations? Wouldn't that be fun to "play with"? I will never believe that "aliens" created us. Granted, they seem to be able to "change things up", but as for our combination of material mind and body WITH soul, it is truly a "miracle". IMHO. ;D
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 13:26:50 GMT -6
.....and then here's what happened the night before I did the "test" with the blue lighted tree (I recently talked about this on touched (Cliffs) experience thread. and paulette says today on the "should I get therapy" thread : "accepted . . . - without even thinking much about it. A lot of people wouldn't "think much" about missing time." I don't think I have any missing time . But the other night something happened that I want to believe is my imagination, and will keep saying it is. And this has happened one other time in the past week, that I know of. So, the only reason why I even mention it, is that it seemingly happened twice. I have been sleeping with a light on. Across the room from my bed is a cheap wall clock that has hands and makes a nice noise as the seconds hand moves. Seconds hand is a thin line, the two other hands are large; one quite a bit shorter than the other. The other night I woke up, looked at the clock, and it said 3:00 am. Fell back asleep. Woke up again, and the clock now said 2:05 am. I'm telling myself that when I thought the clock said "3:00 am" it really said "12:15 am". ;D
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 15:47:11 GMT -6
I'm on here (teor) a lot today . It just finally quit raining outside (since at least 7:00 am) and it's been a good day to read, think, do laundry, and write. I'm not "down". But I had been lately. I finally "broke down" and saw someone "new" about my neck and back problems. You should see my x-rays. It's no wonder I have headaches and other discomfort almost all the time. I don't care to take pain-killers other than otc, so I haven't felt great for awhile. I've got decent insurance (I pay for part of it myself), so I have agreed to quite a bit of therapy. I asked if I could hold off until Dec. 12 to come every day that first week. I'm curious to see if "fixing my neck" also relieves me of ear ringing and seeing "stars". Yesterday, my left eye (initially) felt like something in it, to the point of after even using eye drops I had to sit down with a cool compress on it. Later, my right eye felt like this. This was most likely allergies. But when I covered my left eye this about threw me into a migraine. I generally "ignore" not feeling well. And I get the impression that a few of you do the same, until it gets to where it lasts too long, or becomes too painful. Little harder to ignore feeling "down" IMO. How many of us have this for a "side-effect" for being "visited"? Can we call it that? When I was young, I was generally sad, and I blamed all the visions I was having. Of course I've seen pictures of myself as a child, and I appear to be a happy kid. Through my life I've even had the nickname "sunshine", even at my current job. I've stated before, that suicide is not an option. Don Harman, meteorologist of kc tv fame, used that option this week. I had met him before. He had come to my school a couple of years ago and we had a fun assembly about the weather. From outside appearances, he had nothing to wish to die for. However, his family and coworkers have acknowledged his depression. In an understanding way; telling anyone who struggles to never give up. I have known of 4 other people who chose to take their own life. All 4 considerably closer to me than "meeting Mr. Harman". That movie, "the 4th kind", when I finally rented it, upset me that suicide was also a part of its story. How does suicide "fit" into the story of our lives, as a life "controlled" by visitors? Have "they" ever stopped someone? I don't like thinking about this "dark subject". But it is around us.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 20:48:35 GMT -6
I have battled depression and anxiety since around the age of 12. I seriously thought about suicide several times during my life thus far, but I'm too cowardly to do anything about it apparently. I have my moments I suppose I could say...
Just like you, when I am at work I am happy, chipper and nice to all of my customers. They would call me "sunshine" if they were able to think of it I suppose. They truly honestly have no idea that deep down on the inside I'm a goth chick with black lipstick who listens to depressing German rock music...
|
|
|
Post by skywalker on Dec 3, 2011 21:52:04 GMT -6
I was suicidal for a period of time after my encounters back in 1988. It was not a fun time. Nobody will ever know what emotional pain is until you contemplate taking your own life. Depression is like a vicious cycle that feeds off of itself. The more you think about it the worse you feel, and the worse you feel the more you think about it. This is why you have to break the cycle by recognizing what it is and what it is doing to you. Otherwise sooner or later you will hit bottom and find no way out. I'm lucky in that I was intelligent enough to figure a few things out way back then. Some of the things I learned are that nobody can make you happy if you are not happy with yourself. Nobody will ever love you if you don't love yourself. And the most important one of them all is...that life is what you make of it. If you don't like the way your life is then change it and make it better. If you don't like the way you look then change your appearance. If you don't like your job then quit and get a new one. If you don't like the place you live then move someplace else. Make your life whatever you want it to be...don't just give up on it. I am pleased to say that today I am a very happy person. Sure, there are a few things about my life that I don't like, but I have plenty of time to work on them and eventually I will get where I want to be. Mainly I'm just thrilled to be alive! Every day is an adventure for me and I always wake up in the morning wondering what kind of trouble I can get myself into. ;D As for whether or not my suicidal thoughts back then were caused by my abduction experiences...I really can't say. I don't know any other reason for it. I was fine before that and I am fine now...it was just those first couple of months immediately afterwards that I had a problem with. Looking back on it now the symptoms that I had were very similar to PTSD...nightmares, depression, anger, insomnia. I just didn't know where the trauma had come from. Now I have a much better understanding of what was causing it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 23:56:24 GMT -6
<3 ~hugz sky and jc~ <3
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2011 9:16:47 GMT -6
Thank you both for sharing. Hugs are great ;D. Anyone else that wants to share on this "topic" at any time, are welcome to.
As I said in my experience at 4 yrs. old, my sister (who is 5 yrs. older) noticed a "change" in my personality after I was "lost". This is something we talked about in the past 10 yrs. Before the move, her and I had shared a room at a smaller home since I was born, so she knew me well. I have several clear memories of before the age of 4 (including my 3 yr. old birthday party).
I come from a large family (both sides) so it is natural that I went to quite a few funerals while growing up.
The dog I received as a birthday present (at 3) was hit by a car shortly after we moved. I didn't see the accident, but saw his body in the street.
Before the move, there was a little boy that I played with almost daily. That stopped abruptly.
Gee, a lot of bad luck?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 10:59:19 GMT -6
About 1982 I was in the back of a pickup when we were hit by a methed out drunk driver which injured me for life. I worked heavy labor all my life even after having a broken neck and back --- had babies to feed . Soon after "the visit"I woke one morning and couldnt get out of bed because of excruciating pain and I was forced to immediately switch careers . During that time I had to take excessive amounts of heavy pain killers(over 25) which still didnt help. At one point I decided that Id had enough with the suffering and living in such a foggy zombie state of mind and wanted to end it. Somehow my mother and sister knew and immediately showed up and took me to the hospital . No matter how bad life seems to get and even when one feels there is no hope, miracles truly do happen, thank God ! Since then Im now on only 2 types of meds which do not mess me up in the least and I get epideral shots which provide alot of relief. Though I still experience miserable pain, its nothing like it was !
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 11:14:46 GMT -6
~hugz touched~
|
|
|
Post by paulette on Dec 5, 2011 12:27:39 GMT -6
This is a very deeply touching thread. Touched, JCurio, Lorelei, Skywalker - you have all walked through the valley. As have I. There are only a few beings on this planet that we know of that intentionally plan their death. Whales may strand to be with other whales but usually a review of the situation shows a confusing bottom contour and also a fair few stranded whales have parasites in their inner ears. But John Lily did early work (1965) with bottlenosed dolphins. His work was pre-empted by the Navy who experimented with sending trained dolphins to place explosives on enemy ships. The plan always was to include the dolphin in the explosion. A dolphin who might possibly understand that the little package he was carrying could be put on one of trainer's ships was too big a risk. It was a one way swim.
But Lily also pulled out of the research after a dolphin named Petey fell in love with the woman who was trying to teach him English and so living on a raised platform in his shallow pool. (He could wake her up if he wanted to "talk" at any time.) Initially Petey was a little rough with her fingers and toes - he was fascinated by them and dolphin have very sharp teeth (I have had my hand in a dolphin's mouth and it was like being raked by a razor. I didn't blame the dolphin I was holding the fish wrong).
Anyway. Petey had been removed from his dolphin mate and was doing solitary confinement in a too small pool that painfully reflected his sonar back. And there was this creature in his pool who was afraid of him and used to fend him off with a broom. So he figured out how to teach her to trust him. He would come up to her with a ball in his mouth, and gently nudge her and then at some point the ball would fall out but he was being gentle. In this way, he taught the female being to trust him. Later, she taught Petey that she could relieve his sexual urges. (of which dolphins have many) (I guess Pro board will leave that alone). So they were, some might say, lovers.
And then she married the photographer who had been filming the experiment. On the 5th or 6th day of her absence Petey backed up as far as he could and took a run at the end of the pool. And died. That is suicide, premeditated suicide. They do have bigger brains that we do... Lily immediately ended his research. The book telling this story is long out of print but it was: The Life of a Dolphin.
I think intelligence and realization that one has a choice to live or die are part of the same package. We don't just live along with no choice to suffer whatever it is we are suffering. Suicide is a choice. It probably is a wrong one most of the time BUT everyone decides that for themself. I saw a documentary on pain and pleasure last night - they asked people on the street what caused the most pain and almost all said - heartache. Losing someone by death or end of a relationship. They also asked what gave the most pleasure and again it was: being in a relationship - a marriage, a friendship, having grandchildren, whatever.
We have the semblance of many relationships in our busy world - people next to us at the gym, people at work, people across the street. But in truth these are often not meaningful. I have lived here for 6 years and I know only the first names of three of my four neighbors. I've never been in any of their homes or gone anywhere with them. I chat with one on the edge of our yards but usually its only about his dislike of our large Douglas Fir that tosses pine cones on his car and yard. I know you guys much better although I wouldn't be able to pick anyone out of a lineup, don't know your real names, etc. Relationships are what keep us grounded. A good friend will hand you Kleenexes if you need to cry, take you for lunch if you've been sitting in the house too long. An acquaintance will say...see you around. And they will not wonder where you are if you aren't around.
I'm always amazed at the rich detail of life I get to "hear about" on this site. Thanks again.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2011 21:50:54 GMT -6
John Lilly should possibly have his "own thread" on here. Minus the beastiality between Margaret Howe and Peter the dolphin, of course. I'm struggling a bit with this used as a "reference for suicide", though I know the person that posted this story meant nothing untoward....
John Lilly was involved with SETI. He believed in SSI (solid state intelligence). He developed the isolation tank and used it himself. This isolation tank was featured in the movie "altered states" with William Hurt playing the scientist role.
I have a VCR tape of "Day of the Dolphin" and though it is slow-paced, I can still be touched by it. George C. Scott plays the scientist, and I am forever haunted by the scene where "John" and his wife are trying to get their dolphin "Fa" to leave them, and the dolphin is saying "Fa loves ma, Fa loves pa"....
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2011 11:38:19 GMT -6
I had a "neat" experience last night around 10:15 p.m. I hesitate to call it anything; telepathy, psychic, or whatever . I believe we all have talked about getting thoughts or visions when a loved one is in trouble. Some, of course, we have heard about, and some we have experienced ourselves. For whatever reason, I have a "potent stare". (chuckle). I talked on the m forum about sending positive messages to frowning cashiers, and they were smiling by the time it was my turn ;D. It goes without saying that my teenagers have become very adept at ignoring their mom. They act like they can't "hear" or "see" me all the time. I pick my battles and my words carefully so as not to over do, and have been doing this for awhile, but you know, teenagers. Yesterday was so busy. And I haven't had my girls for three consecutive weekends, due to Thanksgiving. I left the house by 6:30 am yesterday to pick up my son and take him for his SATs. The girls had a full day planned with our church: help with "Harvesters", go for pizza, and then go see the local "Christmas in the Park" light show. One of my dtrs. also wanted to go to a (formal dress) party at another church with a friend. So I picked them up from church at 8:00 pm, took them home (one stayed home), and one grabbed a dress and a pair of my shoes (?) and off we went again. The friend hadn't told us that I was to drive them to the other church and her mom would pick up. I took my dtr. to her friend's house, they changed clothes, and then I took them to the church. When the girls were getting out of my car, on top of the "have fun!"s, I put down my window and said to my daughter, "_______________, stay inside, ok?" She looked at me, and I heard her friend retort "Like we would want to go outside". My dtr. smiled and went inside the church. Around 10:00 to 10:15 I was laying in bed. I hadn't asked my dtr. to call me when they got home. I hadn't spoken to the other parent. I was basically reassuring myself.....and then my cell phone "dinged"; text message received. All the text message said was "What?". From my dtr., home safe at her friends house. ;D (cell phone proof in messages. Even if we did some deleting)
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2011 11:42:11 GMT -6
Interesting... so she texted you in response to your thoughts? Is that what you're saying JC? Pretty cool.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2011 23:33:09 GMT -6
I wish. (sigh). I found out it was more complicated than that. A text message I had sent earlier she finally read....and then said "What?" Of course I called her last night and then verified she was safe in bed at a friends house. But our conversation from there had to stop; she was too tired to explain why she said "what". ugh. It would be SO NICE to have this type of connection, especially if our text messages continue to degenerate so.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2011 2:28:11 GMT -6
Ok, this is going to sound really 'upid, but hang on ;D. I officially started therapy on my neck and spinal column today. I've been one other time, on Dec. 2, and last week was a booger. Remember I said maybe we'd see how much of "my hearing issues" are from my neck? All evening I keep hearing "beeps". We were out and about and my cell was in the red, so I had turned it off earlier. Just a moment ago, I heard a deep hum, while looking straight ahead at my pc. I leaned my head over to the left and it disappeared. So of course I looked forward again; deep hum. Tilt head; bye-bye noise. Played with it a bit. Now I just heard a beep beep beep beep beep beep keep going like an alarm. No alarm around here that sounds like that. Doesn't take much to entertain me . A normal neck is supposed to curve forward, with the natural bend being almost at your 'adam's apple'. Mine is just past straight up and down, with near my adam's apple growing white ridges on three cervical bones, on the front, starting to naturally fuse. My spinal column is 1and 1/2 inches off center to my right side, as it goes past my heart. Mercy! I guess I have been walking my husky too often with my right hand. The x-ray is bizarre. He held it up showing my spine going straight up and down, and my body form around that is "leaning". ( I hit another door frame with my shoulder this morning. Its always my left shoulder).
|
|