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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2014 12:06:03 GMT -6
Lots of nightmares about old house lately. . . something finally different. . . but weird ___________________________________________________________________________________ Dreamed I was someone else. Had a name and everything. Sometimes was outside that body so I also saw what I looked like (in this dream). I was to be one of 3 speakers at some type of "motivational event". When I arrived at the large hotel, and met a friend, we both spoke an Asian language to each other (possibly Vietnamese). I was a tiny woman with long dark hair, and almost seemingly too young for the job . As I sat down with the other presenters, I realized I had NO IDEA what I was going to say. I mean, it was me, and I knew it, inside this body. I tried to reassure myself that it would come to me, much like the foreign language did, but I excused myself for some mundane reason, and left. At least I stopped in the lobby and tried to call "my friend" (some seminar arranger), but couldn't get thru. I told some guy to tell my friend "I was sorry, and she'd know what I meant". I spent the rest of the dream trying to flee the hotel by some obscure exit. Didn't want anyone to recognize me, and report where I was. ?? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I googled the name this morning, thinking I would get nothing. Surprise! I spent time on "images" but didn't see the young lady.. . . too strange.
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Post by skywalker on Apr 18, 2014 20:53:43 GMT -6
Maybe you momentarily dreamed your way into somebody else's body. Perhaps the two of you even exchanged consciousnesses. She was probably just as confused to find herself in your body talking to a bunch of weirdos on a UFO forum. Maybe she will google TEOR and come by for a chat.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2014 10:23:38 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2014 1:58:37 GMT -6
I've been talking on my personal thread about normal/weird everyday happenings in my life, so maybe it's worth sharing a dream that I had in the midst of this. . . . however, I think the only connection with these semi-normal events, and a semi-predictive dream, is just no real connection other than me being observant/receptive. Ya know ? ________________________________________________________________- I dreamed (and knew I was dreaming) that myself and my folks were riding in my van. My dad was driving with an open map in his lap (not paying attention to his driving AT ALL), my mom was in the front passenger seat, and I was somewhere in the back (one of those fuzzy, unclear dream details that a person figures out later only by dream content ). Sitting directly behind the front passenger seat of my mom, was a good friend of my folks. He looked terrible, worse than aging, and the jist of my dream was we were trying to get him to a hospital. The dream took place on a very familiar stretch of road, and it was snowing profusely (which it always seems to do, when I dream of this road. . ?). I was very angry with my dad, we were yelling back and forth, and here was their sick friend, not going anywhere. I can't remember why I was so furious with my dad. ________________________________________________________________ The morning after this dream, my mom informed me that this friend had recently gotten news that he had 2 spots on his lung. I can assume that they just talked on the phone, and it was fresh on her mind. I told her of my dream, interrupting her when she first mentioned his name, before she told me about the initial test(s). She said "I don't think I'll tell him about that (my dream) ". This is noteworthy to me, because my mom and I have not easily shared my predictive dreams since I was around 8 yrs. old! Also, I was in an agitated mood a good part of this day, without remembering a possible reason why. When my dad and I started arguing later, my major response was to leave talking to him, and try not to just burst out crying (again, a strange reaction). Within a few minutes, I returned to where he was, and "caught" him getting up again from a recent fall. I left him briefly to get a wet towell, and some bandaides. By the time I came upstairs, he was making his way into the house. While he told my mom what happened, I put three bandaides on his elbow and antibiotic ointment on his head. This is how I react, instead of fussing over him or crying; he falls down all the time. He has a cane, and a walker (we can't stop him or slow him down other than his body already has). However, seeing his electric saw on the ground by where he fell, I took it. When asked, I told him I would give it back when he brought the saw horses up from the basement (why are they there??). He actually rolled his eyes at me, then walked off. Sigh.~ No extensive, hurtful arguing between us. Neither of us physically hurt, much (I fell down with him once, but that's another story that I can laugh about today).
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Post by skywalker on Jun 16, 2014 20:12:55 GMT -6
Perhaps the agitation you were feeling was a leftover remnant of your dream. You were angry in the dream so you continued to be angry when you woke up.
Why does it always snow when you dream about that one road? There must be a connection there somewhere.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2014 2:24:17 GMT -6
Perhaps the agitation you were feeling was a leftover remnant of your dream. You were angry in the dream so you continued to be angry when you woke up. Why does it always snow when you dream about that one road? There must be a connection there somewhere. Very astute, my friend. I am very uncomfortable being angry these days, so, the agitation. That answer dawned on me later. I also wonder greatly about the snow (scenes). I wonder if it has anything to do with my major sleep-walking event (through the snow to a locked car) from childhood? Fear, anger? These snow dreams always have a "weird" edge to them. One or two of them (in the dream) I become frantic because my daughter disappears in the snow (she's just 4-6 yrs. old in the dreams). I used to really detest the snowy season, and wanted to move to Arizona when I grew up. I do enjoy snow skiing if someone wants me to go along, but would never plan it on my own. Well, now that Missouri gets so hot (earlier, and for longer periods) I actually like our snow season!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 9:22:16 GMT -6
Brief dream. I have a lot of these type. . . . I mean the brief, snippets similar to real life, type. . . . __________________________________________ Dreamed I was in the garage of the house I just moved from. A dog was walking by, and I went to the closest button (next to the actual garage door) and immediately began closing the garage door. The dog tried to get in anyway; his little snout the last thing I see at the bottom of the door. I felt a bit of "frantic" in getting the door closed . __________________________________________ Weird. Several dogs have walked by my driveway in real life, and a couple have come in the garage . I've been able to read collars for phone numbers, etc. of owners (except one that ended up having a chip read by a dog shelter when I took it there) and all dogs were picked up by owners. Recently, when I was helping my sister get the last of her stuff out of my old house, a beautiful gray tabby cat kept making it in the house and garage. We laughed about it because she was so persistent but was obviously a well-kept-for cat (with no collar). It was a joy to see her and hold her. So, why the dream? I no longer have time for strays?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2014 11:10:28 GMT -6
Ugh. I'm having massive, but short in duration dreams. They have meant something more personal to me, but I will share one and see what you guys think. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm in a neighbor's back yard (across the street from my last previous residence, where I used to mow for an older lady). Nice day, and she has a 10 x 6 foot garden off of her patio (she did not have this in real life). The plants are 6 in. to 1 ft. tall and are flourishing. Suddenly, a fire erupts on one of them. I get a nearby bucket and get water from an outdoor spicket and splash water on it. Another plant, a few feet away suddenly catches on fire, and then another down the row aways. I'm thinking, fireworks causing the fire, like bottle rockets landing in one place of the garden? Its happening quickly, and I see a hose and attempt to attach it to the spicket with some difficulty, while yelling at some other neighbors to call _11. Some one else comes along, and I ask for help with the hose. This person thinks I'm wasting my time; just let the garden burn, I guess. I wake up. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I can't recall the last time I dreamed about fire. Or if I've ever dreamed of it being "bad" (like destroying). I get on Teor (this was yesterday) and I pull up the article Aunty has posted about mysterious fires in Sicily.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2015 9:21:53 GMT -6
"It's fading now; the dream. I was talking to a 'man'. Privately, just him and me in a semi-open, short walkway (glassed in?) between two buildings. A secretive area. I could walk away at anytime. Did not feel threatened or scared, or really anything. But maybe, a little sadness for myself, when we talked about my "coming death". We were talking about military stuff that's been on my mind. I told him I had seen the auroxx fly over my old job (true in real, awake life), by recognizing its trail in the sky. The man looked normal and nothing special other than maybe he was wearing a long brown robe? A little over six foot tall (a head above me), brown hair, slender, between 50 and 60 yrs. old, like not so old as ready to retire from a job? It sounds silly to me now (awake) but I told him that no one would save me? like we are getting ready to have a bunch of chaos on this world, and I will just be a casualty. But very peaceful. And he tells me just as calmly that "you will live again". I'm pondering that, and it enters my mind that he means live again here, but that's not correct. I start to turn away from him down the corridor (it is a familiar place). I turn back, he is smiling, and we both say at the same time, "(him) you'll/(me) I'll live again." End of dream."
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I dreamed this the night of April 7 to April 8, 2015. I have been journaling on my phone since last December (not like a plan-not new years resolution or anything; just started). The above is almost word for word from my journal, and somehow, I just accidently erased it from my phone??
Very personal dream for me, but no dream-like quality. I thought I wouldn't remember it, so was glad I jotted it down. But its still very clear in my mind, and weird, the last time I checked the entry on my phone (thinking about putting dream on TEOR), the "entry" disappeared that time too. So maybe, I haven't deleted it (again), and it will be there another day when I look?
In awake, real time, I have talked to Father-G_d about not being "taken up" in the Rapture, and staying behind to help others. This is why I claim this dream as so personal: that I would even think I could be raptured, and choose to be "left behind". I had this "conversation" soon after I started having the "warrior dreams" years ago. Those dreams were sooo beyond me; it was like I was someone else, and it facilitated a change in my way of thinking (to be necessary militant, in a way). It was also a time when "shadow people" became more of their present form I see; instead of just a type of "gliding shadow", or flicker, blob of something . . .
Anyway, I have had major inner turmoil about my true role as a "peacekeeper/intercessor", and being a physical type warrior. Not understanding (until recently) that I AM a certain type of warrior that IS a peacekeeper/intercesor. That some of the "results" of my intercessory prayer ARE violent (can appear that way to others). In my awake life I have appeared so "torn", as to almost be "passive/aggressive" (driving my loved ones nuts).
My later journal entry this same day (April 8) is admitting how "scared" I feel. And allowing myself to be scared.
Honestly, if more people weren't having feelings of upheaval, apocolypse, etc. , I have been trying to blow this dream off. Big Time. Trying to make it to myself just about reassurance about dying. Not about the other part; world chaos.
But I have to admit that I also had these "complacent" feelings, forced by self, just before _ one one, even though I went and gave blood, etc. It's like knowing bodily, that something is about to happen, but letting my "head" deny it.
Yes, I'm scared. Scared for everyone else. Don't go thinking that I am "reassured about my own death". Sometimes, that reassurance is given, so that we can focus on more important things other than self.
I am praying against anything happening. Not because I have more to do personally . . . and so, because it is not a personal request, and I know I am not alone in these feelings, I watch. And wait. Knowing that others are praying for the same. Knowing G_ds timing, is His timing.
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Post by skywalker on May 7, 2015 19:45:35 GMT -6
I couldn't help thinking Obi-wan Kenobi when I read the description you gave of the man...tall, older, wearing a long brown robe and giving reassuring predictions about your future and saying you will live again (like Obi-wan did in the movie). If that wasn't a Jedi knight I don't know what is. Even the idea of a peace keeper/warrior fits. Naturally I would immediately start thinking about Star Wars. I've been feeling kind of apocalyptic also lately. I had a dream about a volcano erupting a while ago and all day today I've been thinking about old age and dying...which I normally never think about. I don't like such depressing subjects but I feel that something not very nice is on the verge of happening. When/if it does may the force be with all of us.
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Post by paulette on May 8, 2015 10:04:36 GMT -6
I think a lot of us here have discussed how quickly things are changing - both man-made and also geologically (which might be affected by man's alteration of things). My husband just calmly believes that we are already in the Big Changes and will not escape the chaos in our lives even though we are fairly old.
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2015 11:38:08 GMT -6
I couldn't help thinking Obi-wan Kenobi when I read the description you gave of the man...tall, older, wearing a long brown robe and giving reassuring predictions about your future and saying you will live again (like Obi-wan did in the movie). If that wasn't a Jedi knight I don't know what is. Even the idea of a peace keeper/warrior fits. Naturally I would immediately start thinking about Star Wars. If only! Too funny! please, tell me which movie! Really! Something planted in the collective conscious?! (I'm still grasping, LOL. Wanting all this "paranormal" in my life to just be a "suggestive mental illness"). I thought Obi, was the shorter guy; MacGregor. Taller guy, Liam Neeson; who did he play? Actually though, the guy looked more like someone else from another movie (but wasn't ). Did you see the original Total Recall with Arnie as the main guy? If you did, picture the tall guy that when he opened his shirt, the "visionary" Quatro came out of his chest/stomach area (he was a mutant). That tall guy (I've seen him in other "stuff", but what??). anyhow, Spot On, Dude! I was thinking about that yesterday, how the guy had hair and didn't seem to be a monk (stereotype), but I sure didn't think about "the force"! Which, makes perfect sense now. In fact, I may have talked about this before, but do you remember the scenes when Darth was a little boy? and they "measured" something in his 'blood' (can't remember!) and he had a lot of what ever it was? A conversation about how he could go good or bad? I felt absolutely crazy, watching this scene with my three kids, and it felt like every hair on my body was standing at attention. LOL. I think I talked about 3 different people (unrelated; different times, but same season) who touched me, and "felt" something. Not a shock feeling (2 of them happened to touch me when I was having my "Aha" moment/ brief orgasmic feeling, and exclaimed "what the ___________ is that??"). OOps. The third person was a masseuse. That one, I was just laying there in shorts and a tank top at my next door neighbors house, and letting my neighbor's friend "practice" on me. I didn't feel anything. The massage wasn't even very good (sorry). But this lady kept claiming in astonishment that she had never felt "it" so strong, and looking at me with real curiousity, and I just got the heck outta there! No questions outta me!! So, seeing the movie, and the discussion about darth, . . . wild idea, but . . . something I could refer to, even if it was make-believe in a movie, ya know? _________________________________________________________________ I am sorry to hear you are having these premonition type warnings also. I had just kind of resigned myself that I really didn't need all these books. Sigh. This isn't just about losing electricity . . . now my "resignation" is that no one will need to read the books I've collected, for other reasons. Thanks for your reply. I MUST SAY I am sorry that I doubted Jesus' coming back. I have spent a lot of time trying to see others' point of view, after being raised that Jesus may come back in my lifetime. How does one live? With that always peeking around the corner? I haven't handled it so well . . . and I think someone else (little scientists) had a spot of fun with my hopes . . . And yeah. That's part of 'it' too. I'm not supposed to hate anyone or anything, but sometimes, i'm so full of hate. I hate wickedness. And I hate feeling hate, because hating something like "wickedness" feels kind of "good" . . powerful. Anger and hatred give me bodily energy, and doesn't that sound wicked? So, so many things we do not know. I'm glad that we've been able to discuss "aliens" posing as Jesus and his second coming. That never came up, in my wildest dreams! Which is weird in itself! Creepy! (I'm so weird). Honestly, if I hadn't had my eyes wide-opened, I would prolly be one of those people saying "There is no other life, than what is on Earth". LOL.
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2015 11:56:21 GMT -6
I think a lot of us here have discussed how quickly things are changing - both man-made and also geologically (which might be affected by man's alteration of things). My husband just calmly believes that we are already in the Big Changes and will not escape the chaos in our lives even though we are fairly old. Well, your husband almost missed it (another reason for him to be pis_____?). IDK. Really. I avoid "conflict", or (!) start it myself these days, so I am not having "gut" feelings. but you know how I feel about the Bible . . . and it says right there that people will be doing normal, everyday things, like getting married . . and I have to go so far as to wonder if some of us are put under some sort of "spell". Because the "signs" are all here. My daughter has been "dreaming such dreams" for awhile now. I can't stand it. I never thought I would feel this way. There IS A happy ending! And that is usually my focus! Now that I'm talking about it, I hope I can "simmer down". I'm hoping that I was excessively uneasy just because of my "denial". Hope. There is always Hope. I have "sensed" the theme of "dying" in a lot of your dreams, all the way back to you dreaming of being somewhere in the Nazi scene . . and you have handled it well. I wish I could do so well . . I'm working on it
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Post by paulette on May 8, 2015 12:21:12 GMT -6
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Post by paulette on Jun 5, 2015 10:05:47 GMT -6
Another dream morning of June 5th.
I was staying in a two story cabin in the woods - with seemingly the owner of said cabin. There was nothing romantic about me being there. I went to shut the door to the outside and realized that the latch didn't engage. With the slightest push or pull the door opened.
That was when I heard something howing in the forest. A wolf I thought.
I was relieved that the dog was staying with me - she was a buff color large dog sorta like a husky and a little wary. But she settled in by my bed. However there were things afoot outside and I could not fall into sleep. I went to discuss the door problem with the cabin's owner ad discovered that ALL THE DOORS did not shut. I remarked that I was glad that his dog was keeping me company and got a very funny look.
That was when I realized that the dog was not a dog and that I had known that. By the time I got to my room there was a second "dog" this one black and fierce looking. either the first one had let the second one in, or they just could come in and we couldn't stop them. I became very afraid (althought the presence of the first what-I-thought-was-a-dog had been comforting). It sensed it and both snarled at me and slowly walked/stalked closer to me.
The end of the dream was chaotic - people screaming, the house providing no protection at all.
In writing this I have some prickles down my arms - no protection in a seemingly locked house, initial innocent acceptance of the "dog" but once I realize what it is and isn't it gets very frightening.
The overall feeling of the dream was slowly realizing how powerless I/we were to prevent whatever was going to happen from happening. That sounds like a common theme around here...?
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Post by casper on Jun 5, 2015 20:47:35 GMT -6
That is a scary dream paulette! It sounds like a scene from a horror movie. I was staying overnight in a haunted house one Halloween waiting for ghosts to show up when a dog snuck in through the front door. It was just an old hound dog tho not a scary one like in your dream. I think I would have a heart attack if that dream happened in real life.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2015 12:55:45 GMT -6
IDK.
I've always found it "odd" that my daughters (since childhood) want to "tame" certain animals.
Polar bears, wolves, and the octopus (?).
Wolves, as you know, I keep thinking "are not as bad" as they have always been depicted. My daughter had me read a book by Farley Moffat (who was paid to do a study on them) and it was really interesting. But he wasn't studying a pack of wolves. A pack of wolves, a pack of dogs, a pack of humans; can be something different.
Polar bears? Why do we always hear about someone going in their area at the zoo??
Octopus, more intelligent than we know.
My daughter getting to ride one (in a dream), uck.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2015 13:48:41 GMT -6
Interesting - but I probably wouldn't do it. Things happen for a purpose in the spirit world. IMO.
Read more: theedgeofreality.proboards.com/thread/151/paulettes-dreaming?page=16#ixzz3iLcWehzG____________________________________________________________________ Wondering lately just how much of my "dream input" is planned (by myself, subconsciously)., etc. I was pondering (to myself) recently that I had never had a purposeful, dream centered on my daughter _________________ as a child. I've dreamed of her as an adult, and as part of dreams with my other children as kids. Last night I dreamed of her as a child. She was holding my hand, and the dream was pretty special. Nevermind that throughout the rest of the long, detailed, dream, I was in the midst of a huge flooding. We had to climb out a window of my old house and try to get on the roof quickly. Water was rushing everywhere, and a lot of people I didn't know were also climbing on roofs. Water is an expression of emotion, and this is the daughter I am basically estranged from (she moved out in April; before graduation), so that's how I took that. And probably over-analyzing. There was a part where she was going with me (holding my hand) to get her brother from his baseball game (it wasn't flooding there, yet). Both her and her sister recently told me that they don't remember going to 3 years of their brothers' baseball games? Anyway, I finally let myself feel more than disappointment with this daughter. Lately she has caused enough "pain/havoc" just "dropping by", that I feel like I don't want to talk to her or see her for a bit. (which, having a "loving dream" about her, has totally changed that sentiment). ah. and here the tears come. (I was estranged from my son for 9 mo. when he was 14 and moved in with his dad. He wouldn't speak to me. This is decidedly different. My daughter is 18 and speaks to me. Can't ever compare children, or situations, but her age doing this is more troublesome, IMO.)
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Post by paulette on Aug 9, 2015 19:31:40 GMT -6
This happens to many parents now. I don't know why. I suppose children/teens got on long boats and never came back, went to war and the parents never heard again. But we try so hard with our kids that to have them be indifferent or hostile is a special pain. I have a touch of it myself. I feel my son's heart reach to me when we see each other - but then the lines go dead and he doesn't respond to messages. I just keep trying periodically. Daughter isn't much different. Calls to say she needs $$. Calls because a tornado cloud is over her neighborhood. Then doesn't call for months. I call and leave messages and ditto on FB. No response.
I'm glad I have a lover/friend for this part of my life.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 9:01:33 GMT -6
and we probably have a special pain, due to being divorced parents. Wanting that "perfect family", and being conscious of trying anyway for that goal. Making lemonade out of lemons. Everyone else either acting like divorce and child-sharing is a common practice, or expressing heartfelt pity. My daughter is doing the very normal thing of "breaking away" and establishing her independence. And I'm not being the "normal" loving parent of "coddling" her every time she decides she "needs" something from her mom. The funny dynamic to watch is how she calls her grandma (who I live with) and asks for something in a timely, polite manner. Me, she just shows up and demands. (and claims that she HAS to do this-though she gets the SAME reaction if she had asked me politely, or just mentioned something in a conversation). I "coddled" my kids in other ways (like few chores, and not insisting on homework done before playtime, or doing their own laundry or cooking, as examples). Not in simple decision making, and thinking important decisions through. Or looking up in the dictionary (book or internet), words for spelling and meaning(s). And we all know that I was (am) hyper-vigilant about stranger-danger (also a "new" topic at school, especially in the late 80's and 90's; so they got a double-whammy). It's almost like my creative, talented, smart, free-thinking daughter is slowly but surely being "poisoned" into becoming just another "robot". It may be what she feels she needs to do, to survive the last of her "childhood" and first couple years of college. I'm mentally preparing myself for my daughter doing the "normal experimenting". ~sigh~ She's a great person. Always has been. It's been a joy to be her mother. _____________________________________________________________________ My son and I have always had a special bond; minus those 9 mo. The big challenge for any parent is seeing your child make poor decisions, after being "taught differently", and then watching them deal with consequences, survive that, and not just survive, but thrive afterwards. The best advice I have read lately is when your 'kids' are talking to you, "sit on your lips". LOL. (I figure I've done plenty of the talking for years). ______________________________________________________________________ You're not the first person, nor the last, who has commented on having "another love" in their life. You also have a wonderful circle of friends. When my kids accused me of "depending on them" in certain ways, I kept a stern face and said "Good. Now go get married and bring me some grandkids." We laughed. ______________________________________________________________________ Right now, I'm focusing on today. and there's that story in the Bible about the "prodigal son". IMO, most of the conversation centers around the "child" who has left home. And picture the family so worried and "pining away" for his safe return. The 'other child' also a son, still at home, feels slighted all the way, to the end of the story. Something is depressingly missing from that story.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 22:47:36 GMT -6
Night before last.
And I blame it on the book I just finished reading. david mcgowen's programmed to kill . . .
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I was sleeping in my dream.
It was a very pristine, immaculate, white room. So white is was almost blinding. My sheets and blankets were luxurious; a big fluffy fur-soft immitation of a very white fake polar bear blanket- you know the type?
Just when I realized what luxury I was sleeping in, and deciding not to question it, I was pulled out of the bed by my ankle. An invisible being, obviously very strong, pulled me by my ankle into the center of the room and began pulling me that way in circles; ever faster and faster.
The bed clothes that had been dragged off the bed with me were bunching up around my body, but it wasn't hindering the movement.
I was so scared, and became terrified when I realized I couldn't move myself or speak!
After trying and trying I barely squeaked out "Jesus Christ.
I woke up.
The dream happened so fast! I had been pulled out of bed, and was only on about the fifth spin, when i was able to say His name.
But this is the kind of dream that stays with me for days.
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Post by paulette on Aug 12, 2015 9:15:57 GMT -6
Dear Jcurio. I agree with you about the prodigal son. Even from an early age that story bothered me. I get that its a metaphor for being welcomed back into Christianity - even at the last moment. Last rites handles that little meta-legal transfer nicely.
But what about the parents - the mother I think, crying at night and possibly emotionally unavailable to her other children? What about the other children? Who stayed and tried to be a comfort to their parents - obedient, trustworthy, and then were swept aside in the joy of the missing one's return?
A strange lesson to be sure.
I don't know about you - but I feel whirled around even in the presumed safety of my little life and bed (I had to laugh - I have a synthetic light blanket that reminds me of fur - its off white and incredible to touch with my toes. Which I do all the time.
But meanwhile. My husband's ex wife is wanting more money because she realizes that he is going to retire soon and she will then be on her own financially (according to the terms they agreed to and signed off on (He currently pays her 1000$ a month). So she sent him off to check an old bank account that she was sure still had 20,000$ in it - that they had agreed to let mature. Terry remembered nothing of it except that he was pretty sure everything got cashed out, even if they took a loss. But to the bank we went. They said there was no record of such an account. I wanted an end date for the account to prove that it fell within the time they were finallizing their business. "Can't do that. Not in the computer."
OK. So on the way home he says, "Well I know she needs more money - maybe if I get anything when I stop working I'll..."
And the evil thing grabbed ME by the ankles and spun me around. She got half of everything and he bought out her half of the house at market value (and it was a mess and would never had sold at "market value".) She got half of his life-time pension to the date of their separation. She's been getting 1000$ a month since they divorced (in 2003) And now she wants more money? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I thought I had succeeded in opening my heart to her and her daughters (entitled underworking daughters). They all want to live in Victoria - the second most expensive place to live in BC. And with probably the lowest amount of available jobs as there are several colleges, a university and service wives to fill the entry ones.
But now my heart is like a pressure cooker - in the red zone. The heat must be turned down. By me. She can harass him all she wants. AND HE MAY GIVE HER MORE MONEY. His comment to me was "Well, she needs it."
His solution though looks like it will be his retirement. And then....sitting in front of the TV. We were going to take a trip this Fall - to Washington/Oregon. I haven't left the island except for a 3 day trip to the Vancouver/mainland area in over 15 years. Oh...I flew on a long weekend to see my prodigal daughter in Calgary. She can afford to go to Thailand and Mexico but doesn't come back here.
I feel frightened about my mental state (anger) and frightened about our future (he has no idea yet what his pensions will be and shouldn't retire until he knows the facts.) He can't figure out how to get on the computer for the military one and the HR guy just says - go on line. He said to me, "I can't remember my passwords; I can't remember where I wrote my passwords..."
By default I will work on and on. I see me at 70 shuffling around trying to be current to the younger people in front of me and the increasingly odious paper and computer portal work. That frightens me too.
One can be grabbed and whirled anywhere (geographically or emotionally or chonologically) I guess.
Jesus Christ as an exit key? It probably only works if you believe it will.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 23:01:03 GMT -6
" Furthermore, it seems that the good news of God’s grace has been tragically hijacked by an oppressive religious moralism that is all about rules, rules, and more rules; doing more, trying harder, self-help, getting better, and fixing, fixing, fixing–—ourselves, our kids, our spouse, our friends, our enemies, our culture, our world. Christianity is perceived as being a vehicle for good behavior and clean living and the judgments that result from them rather than the only recourse for those who have failed over and over again.
Sadly, too many churches have helped to perpetuate the impression that Christianity is primarily concerned with legislating morality. Believe it or not, Christianity is not about good people getting better. If anything, it is good news for bad people coping with their failure to be good
- See more at: jonathanmerritt.religionnews.com/2013/10/02/tullian-tchividjian/#sthash.kZnHxV5H.dpuf___________________________________________________________________ of God on the wicked unbelieving Israelites, that were God’s visible People, and lived under Means of Grace; and that, notwithstanding all God’s wonderful Works that he had wrought towards that People, yet remained, as is expressed, ver. 28. void of Counsel, having no Understanding in them; and that, under all the Cultivations of Heaven, brought forth bitter and poisonous Fruit; as in the two Verses next preceeding the Text. The Expression that I have chosen for my Text, Their Foot shall slide in due Time; seems to imply the following Things,
4 Sinners in the Hands 1. That they were always exposed to Destruction, as one that stands or walks in slippery Places is always exposed to fall. This is implied in the Manner of their Destruction’s coming upon them, being represented by their Foot’s sliding. The same is express’d, Psal. 73. 18. Surely thou didst set them in slippery Places; thou castedst them down into Destruction. 2. It implies that they were always exposed to sudden unexpected Destruction. As he that walks in slippery Places is every Moment liable to fall; he can’t foresee one Moment whether he shall stand or fall the next; and when he does fall, he falls at once, without Warning. Which is also expressed in that, Psal. 73. 18, 19. Surely thou didst set them in slippery Places; thou castedst them down into Destruction. How are they brought into Desolation as in a Moment? 3. Another Thing implied is that they are liable to fall of themselves, without being thrown down by the Hand of another. As he that stands or walks on slippery Ground, needs nothing but his own Weight to throw him down. 4. That the Reason why they are not fallen already, and don’t fall now, is only that God’s appointed Time is not come. For it is said, that when that due Time, or appointed Time comes, their Foot shall slide. Then they shall be left to fall as they are inclined by their own Weight.PDF]Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. A Sermon Preached ... digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1053&context... ________________________________________________________ Somewhere on this dream thread is my "story" of using His Name to "escape", knowing fully well that the "beings" that were "taking me" could read my mind, and knew I didn't believe in Him. It still worked. **** I share these experiences. Just as I share different kinds of experiences. No human convinced me of the validity of certain events. A supernatural, paranormal Being, took great care in showing me. I felt what love MAY BE (I do not know from my human experiences), and for a long time I stayed afraid of my mental health and my future; Your point on the "spinning" is valid. So why do I still have such dreams? Because the only power left to "move me" is doubt and confusion. That "other power" is still trying. (BTW, I also have a creme colored "blanket" like you described. It's just not big enough! And you made me laugh too!)
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Post by paulette on Aug 13, 2015 10:15:43 GMT -6
Glad to hear your theory that invoking Jesus works even if you don't (Totally) believe in it. Check out the book Traveling Mercies (or anything newer) by Anne Lamott - she talks a lot about grace and achieving it in a down to earth funny woman sort of way. I believe in HER and that she's onto something. Gotta go to work now...
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 12:41:59 GMT -6
If you tell me we’re all going to be bombed to hell in one minute what am I going to do? Go to the bathroom? Or take a quick joint? Or what? So I can go out high? Is that my trip? Whatever you need to do to get ready to die in a minute you should have done a minute ago or you’ll do it now and get ready and every minute is the minute, every minute you die again. A conscious being is holding on nowhere so they are the living dead. That’s the beautiful horror, the horrible beauty of realization is from then on you are the living dead. And we are sitting here sharing the experience of our own death.
– Ram Dass________________________________________________________ you like this? ________________________________________________________ and, same internet page, same guy (Ram Dass) I don’t know what’s going on out there. But the further point it that I don’t care, that’s my predicament. I’m not waiting for the Messiah, I don’t care whether there’s an avatar or if there isn’t an avatar.
I don’t care whether the world’s going to end tomorrow or it’s going to go on forever. What difference does it make to me? I’m still going to do the same thing I do every day which is to love, serve, remember, love, serve, remember, love, serve, remember…________________________________________________________ now this, I like. And Thank You, Paulette. This definitely addresses my earlier expressed angst for "waiting on the Messiah". ________________________________________________________ These two statements, the jist of the whole 'page' you wanted me to look at, that is, "no religion", may say different things to you, than it does to me. Putting the two statements together, is a mean trick. I think it's why people have a hard time understanding what's being said to them by enlightened people (there are many). "Beautiful horror". This world. Knowing deep inside that we are already dead. That this is our prison, and there is no "hope" of EVER leaving. And it CAN be a beautiful experience. Don't even ponder alternatives. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. Even if your parents abused you (whether on purpose or because of some misunderstanding about parenting, or indifference). Even if you are born blind, or lose your ability to see due to illness or injury, or eventually old age. Maybe you have always been beautiful, since a baby, and your "job" and mode of living is to be sort of a "sex slave" (but possibly you have a little free-time, and you spend it with great efforts to not age normally). Surely, you can find a way to rise above any physical situation, and love, serve, remember, love, serve, remember. And BTW, doing this will eventually, positively, relieve any mental illness or pain (whether mental or physical pain - it's still only in your mind). Or, if you can't love, or remember, at least you can serve. (hopefully serve more than your own self-centered desires, is logical to assume here). I'm having a wee bit of difficulty here, on what I'm supposed to remember? As for love, I have the capacity to love a good nights rest, food enough to eat, and a protective shelter (from the elements, anyway). Prison should be able to give me these necessary essentials . . . the prison that man's hands build and use to separate "lawlessness" or uncontrollable behavior. I think most people agree that these are natural "rights", of the Living Dead . . . . Yep. No religion here. __________________________________________________________________ Hey, I actually agree with all this (in principle). What do YOU get from this?
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Post by paulette on Aug 14, 2015 10:49:49 GMT -6
I get comfort. Stay awake, do what I can do to serve and love and remember. Better in some moments, on some days, hell or some version is closer than on others. I find that growing old, my heart is quieting. Maybe that's true of everyone. Maybe not.
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Post by paulette on Sept 1, 2015 13:13:59 GMT -6
I was ABSOLUTELY certain that I posted this dream yesterday. It isn't here. So maybe not. I wrote it out somewhere. If I misposted it - my apologies to the moderators. Morning Dream , August 30. I am at the University of Texas. Once again, in the tradition of HUNDREDS of dreams like this - I've been gone alwhile. I once had a dorm room, not sure if it was paid for, not sure if I have money to continue to stay there or for attending (Dad had paid but in the dreams I try to get a hold of him and sometimes actually realize that he's been dead a long time and can't pay for anything anymore.) I've missed some exams, and one course I wanted to drop but then left and so didn't. On my return I had gone to the professor to beg for mercy and have him remove me from the roles - but I can't find his office. Then I go to the "Administrator" for help and can't find that office either. Or its locked. I've dreamed variations of this for decades. The feeling upon awaking is always shame and inadequacy. In spite of the fact that I actually graduated with a B average from the University of Texas and an A average and Masters Degree from the Alder school and owe nothing for any of my schooling (took me 10 years to pay off the last student loan but I did). Anyway. The Administrator is IN. And listens to me. And checks things and says, You don't owe anything. But yes, you missed your exams. So I say - is it too late to take them? Give me a really hard one as long as it counts. So he gives me a piece of test paper and I read and discover that its about a story we did NOT cover in class (or any class I was in). I'm wondering if I can fake it somehow when suddenly I realize that I know this story and that its about a person who keeps time slipping causing themself and others problems (yes I know I read the Time Traveler's wife). Like that. Only this is about a young woman and its about me. So I write from the perspective that the story is still going on and I'm in it right now (dreaming)so its an interdimensional and mult-time plot line. I manage to explain this in a short essay. The man in front me (large with red hair). Starts to read and then reads more carefully and then looks at me in amusement. I ask if I have to take any other exams and he says, "No. You got it. You're good to go." And I do know that I will never dream this dream again. It is finished. I wrote the final exam and it was accepted. So DID I ALREADY WRITE THIS HERE. If not, where did I write it? Or when? Man, this is strange week.
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Post by paulette on Sept 12, 2015 9:55:40 GMT -6
I said I would never dream the dream again. I was wrong. This am. 4:30 I woke up sick. Now when you body wakes you up from the deep sleep trenches of 4am, you know you are sick. I got up, came back, got back up and well...lets just say that that little delicious piece of toast that I got with my salad yesterday ("Gluten free")- Wasn't gluten free. It tasted SO GOOD I should have known. A nice restaurant with home-made tasting food and a confused, in her second language young waitress. Sigh. So it probably was a we-hate-gluten down here reaction. I am sick of them. Sick of being sick of them.
Eventually I crawled back in bed but felt unwell - every time I woke up (and there were lots) I considered just getting up. But bed is so comfortable when its dark and cool in the room. Eventually I fell into a dream. A version of the college dream. I hadn't attending a college level physics course. (Ha ha - as if). I had written the last assignment - late -by skimming one of the required books. (Skimming a physics textbook - my brain is such a kidder). But there was one more part - an exam.
I knew I didn't even remember what I had written down, never mind the formulas and theories. But I thought, "There may be a chance - I'll take it."
Off to the exam I went. There were many small tables and they handed out various pieces of paper, glue, and small scissors. People were making things and quickly handing them in. (The question to be answered in this fashion was, "Catch visually the most impactful story I told in class." I kept starting - first with a lovely sheet cut from a calendar of a snow scene - very blue and peaceful. But every time I'd put down my scissor to reach for glue or whatever - the basis of my beginning picture would have been taken by someone else. In very short time, there were no more snow scenes and I decided to settle on anything flat and large. I was working on a nuclear blast. I figured the snow scene would have been a dramatic background for this. I'd get a circle of a color glued on, go for another circle and my start would be gone. I was happiest with a large black lacy circle with increasingly smaller and brighter circles within. Alas even when I got something assemblded I had to write my name on it and while looking for a pen - well you know by now. Gone.
One of the women initially with me in the dream was someone I went to HS with who was saluditorian (and probably smarter than I was). She finished early. In fact, she died two years ago - I'll be seeing her husband who is also an old classmate at our 50th HS reunion next May. The moment I woke up, I knew what I needed to have done. "The moment".
I had read an account about the people working on the Manhattan project - that developed Fat Boy - the bombs dropped on Japan. They still didnt know what critical mass was - how much fissionable material had to be in close proximity to set off the chain reaction of a nuclear bomb. One man found out the hard way - he was "playing" with two small globes of material and accidentally clapped them together. It instantly detonated, leaving him riddled with radioactivity and doomed to die soon. Which he did. The other scientists took turns staying with him in his hospital room TO MAKE SURE HE DIDN'T TALK about what they doing. He died in about 3 days.
This was the critical loss of innocence that these scientists in the USA had that day. It wasn't just the explosions later. It was seeing what happens when a human is exposed to that kind of intense energy. It was the evil death that inevitably followed.
The exam pictures had been put up on the walls. Mine wasn't up there because I wasn't finished and I kept writing my maiden name and crossing it out and then the pen would stop working. But I woke up with an imagine of the two small spheres in the center of the blast, when they united with each other in an unrecallable reaction. I woke up feeling sick inside and in my spirit.
I slipped out of bed to let my husband sleep in - a rare event for him (he just got up). I had a game of computer scrabble and the computer played "mesons" [subatomic particles] and my letters spelled energy. I looked at the board in horror. Coincidence does not mean random occurance at the same place and same time and same direction. It just means the occurance of the above. We often assume that coincidences are random. Why I don't know. Or even accidental. Again why?
So is something going to blow up? - personally in our lives? Or larger - our country destablizes (as many countries are doing) and suddenly I'm working for half of what I made - and the pensions stop? Or is somebody going to get crazy enough to use a nuclear bomb? I just heard last night that Isis is making and using mustard gas. There are international agreements to not use such things, but apparently Syria had stockpiles of the stuff and said that they destroyed it last year. If this information is on my usual superficial news broadcast, then a lot of people are thinking about this stuff and the information is out there. The pictures were of civilians and children. If one breathes the stuff it causes nausea, stomach pain and diarrhea (what I was having last night). It damages the respiratory system too. It does not continue to poison from within.
Are the fanatics of ISIS willing to start a nuclear war to install one Caliphrate/ruler of what's left of the world? It's crazy but so is blowing up statutes of Buddha and old ruins because they are blasphemous to the ISIS fundamentalist interpretations of what God/Allah wants them to be and do.
This one was scary folks.
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Post by paulette on Sept 12, 2015 11:24:26 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2015 14:29:09 GMT -6
I don't know why it is, but approx. every 5 years I have some major concern (again) about things going nuclear. I don't know if it means "anything" to anyone else; but I'm talking 2007, 2012, 2017 next . . as examples. and then 2019 means something "personal" to me, and I think I have explained that before. Do I really think this is about installing a caliph? I wish. Sigh. I get some weird thoughts about death being glorified, for some reason. The "thing" that I think about, after reading the wiki article you pointed out, is not just that we knew it was a demon core. But also that it was figured out how much to use; how far its "reach" would be. And then I think about all the people hurt, maimed, or killed in Area 51 and other secret places, trying to make not just bombs, but experiment aircraft. Followed by the thought, that other people, in other parts of the world, have experienced the same thing. If I listen to the news, it sounds like some countries are allowed to have nuclear capabilities, and others aren't. We think all the mustard gas is destroyed, and later find out that it isn't . . Because every one has "bunkers" (read into that also "secret storage"), the fear of a "nuclear holocaust" is very real in our lifetime. People are considering that it happened to another civilization many, many years ago. If that previous incident is true, was it accidental? __________________________________________________________________________ I was really rooting for you that you didn't have any more of these "college/school"-type dreams. Mine, I don't even know I'm dreaming when I can't fit my legs under the desk. LOL. (of course I know when I suddenly find myself naked or looking for the restroom. ) Since you aren't a physics major, and people kept stealing your ideas, this actually could be a a very positive dream! What If . . . . I mean, don't you ever think about things like, "if we all thought like this person, on this one thing. . ". Not saying we have to be, robots, or all of one mind, on every thing. This one, just happens to be pretty crucial. ___________________________________________________________________________ I don't know if "jade H" actually happened, or even a part of it. When people use that, it not happening, to say that "conspiracy theorists" were totally wrong, I disagree. What about the footage we saw, of people getting together, and asking pointed questions? Was something much bigger, ultimately diverted?
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