Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2012 14:27:42 GMT -6
I know many people have no trouble believing in aliens..but find it more of a problem to believe in or understand both the spiritual and the psychic. I'm not about to try to change anyone's mind. I already know that we believe the way we need to believe to follow the path we need to follow and it will be different for the individual. I think this part of my life is more important than the 'bizarre' issues..they might even have something to do with why 'they' like me.
As a lonely and very neglected kid..I developed the closest relationship one might have with God and his crowd. I was 'sent' people to help me at every deep dark moment of my life...people who took an interest and cared where my stubborn tyrant of a father couldn't. They lined up like stepping stones...guiding me along. I stayed very immature but the skills I developed thanks to my father were not the best. Manipulation, sneakery, trickery and a nasty habit of putting my feelings into poetry or stories and leaving them laying about for my father to find. My grades were awful..his moods giving me ulcers by the time I was 14 but I didn't miss school because I'd be home with them. After Rose and I were abducted..I can look back and see the changes. I was angry at God again..as I had been when my parents divorced..I wrote poetry with a 'spiritual' flavor but it always showed me standing apart..removed. I stayed unhappy with him for a long time..and my psychic bent was very quiet too. I wasn't allowing anything in or out after the abduction. My brain just wanted nothing more to do with spiritual or metaphysical..because at that space in time..I couldn't separate any of it..it could be connected..so I'd just dismiss it all..and I did. I stopped praying..talking..caring. I married for the wrong reasons..and paid for it. Oh they kept trying to show me the way back...I wanted nothing to do with them...with anything. Then the flashbacks started and the terror all over again and it tore big chunks out of my careful shielding. I couldn't cope. I had 3 children by then and a sulky bullheaded husband as bad as my dad..and I was seeing aliens everywhere I looked ..headaches so bad I thought my head would split. Of course I prayed..what else was there to do?
....
Of course I was heard..by all of them. I started seeing bruises again and the headaches got worse..but I stuck to my guns and begged for protection for my kids. Not for me. It all stopped except for the flashbacks. One time it would be their smell..I can't stand the smell of cat urine or cloves. Then I would hear that awful thrumming and feel it in my chest..or I'd see Rose screaming..or a needle coming at my eye..feel it in my stomach..and a lot worse. Prayer didn't stop it..but it did strengthen me to handle it. I know it had to surface..I couldn't keep suppressing everything. So life went on..I raised my kids..in spite of my husband we never did without..we were always provided for and the right people continued to come along in my life as stepping stones. My psychic self came back..I could read for others and for a long time...that is how I supported my family. Before every reading I would pray for guidance and no one went away unsatisfied. But that will wear on your own heart after awhile..you feel the pain..you see the hurt..so I moved onto other things...there were times when I knew 'they' were lurking or closer but I didn't want to know..I blocked them as much as I could and relied on God to protect my kids. As far as I know..they have never been touched.
....
Then I died I did. Stress..not taking care of myself..my heart failed. More than once..but the last time I had to have open heart surgery to repair damage and to add some veins for blood..I died on the table. And I came back just chock full of messages and some knowledge of the next journey. Well once that door is opened..you can't stuff the things back in..you just want more and more. The first message was.."There IS so much more" and oddly enough..I've encountered 3 other people who have heard that exact message. I can tell the world with absolute positive knowledge that this is only a scratch in our journey..that we do proceed from this 'school' and that we're all loved most equally.
When I'm troubled..if I ask..there are messages and signs aplenty...but we have to be open to receiving them. We have to shed ego and pride and that little human element that tells us we know it all. Because..we don't. We know absolutely squat...about what makes it all tick. I was having a REALLY bad time of it...I fall into little pockets of feeling sorry for myself..of losing the thread. I begged for some help (whined like a little girl). I'm so glad they're indulgent up there. That night.
.....
In my head comes the command (and maybe it was more suggestion than I make it sound) to go walk my dog in the field.
Some of you have heard this..some not. It was getting late..I'd walked the dumb dog..I was feeling whiny. But it was insistent so I went down to the field with the dog. At least one of us was happy. The clouds were striking...all of them seemed to be streaming into a central hole in the sky..dark with beams of light shining through. Sun was setting in the other direction. I couldn't quit looking at this and I could feel this huge presence...big..bigger than big.. Prickles raced up and down my back and across my shoulders..the hair stood on end on my arms..Oh..someone was there alright. The weirdest sensation then..I felt like I had a sword in my hand and I swung around like I was going to defend this presence. Racing through my mind was the desire to protect at any cost. I'd have left and walked into that without looking back..left my family left it all. There came the feeling of a chuckle..like 'really?...YOU..would protect ME?' but just as quickly...my gesture was accepted..and everything just kind of went back to normal. The clouds started breaking away..the hole began to shrink...and I went back home. I know what I felt that day...and there have been little lessons and messages and hints since. Every day there is something..a reason to continue.
This I write only because it's important to who I am. There is a very real connection between the spiritual and the metaphysical but if you can't see it..you were not meant to. And some of you will. Some of you may see yet another thing we have in common..in this wacky time of learning. I believe...we'll come to know each other beyond the computer too. I've grown very fond of many here. And I know many of you are much stronger than you know. I guess we'll know in time huh? ;D
As a lonely and very neglected kid..I developed the closest relationship one might have with God and his crowd. I was 'sent' people to help me at every deep dark moment of my life...people who took an interest and cared where my stubborn tyrant of a father couldn't. They lined up like stepping stones...guiding me along. I stayed very immature but the skills I developed thanks to my father were not the best. Manipulation, sneakery, trickery and a nasty habit of putting my feelings into poetry or stories and leaving them laying about for my father to find. My grades were awful..his moods giving me ulcers by the time I was 14 but I didn't miss school because I'd be home with them. After Rose and I were abducted..I can look back and see the changes. I was angry at God again..as I had been when my parents divorced..I wrote poetry with a 'spiritual' flavor but it always showed me standing apart..removed. I stayed unhappy with him for a long time..and my psychic bent was very quiet too. I wasn't allowing anything in or out after the abduction. My brain just wanted nothing more to do with spiritual or metaphysical..because at that space in time..I couldn't separate any of it..it could be connected..so I'd just dismiss it all..and I did. I stopped praying..talking..caring. I married for the wrong reasons..and paid for it. Oh they kept trying to show me the way back...I wanted nothing to do with them...with anything. Then the flashbacks started and the terror all over again and it tore big chunks out of my careful shielding. I couldn't cope. I had 3 children by then and a sulky bullheaded husband as bad as my dad..and I was seeing aliens everywhere I looked ..headaches so bad I thought my head would split. Of course I prayed..what else was there to do?
....
Of course I was heard..by all of them. I started seeing bruises again and the headaches got worse..but I stuck to my guns and begged for protection for my kids. Not for me. It all stopped except for the flashbacks. One time it would be their smell..I can't stand the smell of cat urine or cloves. Then I would hear that awful thrumming and feel it in my chest..or I'd see Rose screaming..or a needle coming at my eye..feel it in my stomach..and a lot worse. Prayer didn't stop it..but it did strengthen me to handle it. I know it had to surface..I couldn't keep suppressing everything. So life went on..I raised my kids..in spite of my husband we never did without..we were always provided for and the right people continued to come along in my life as stepping stones. My psychic self came back..I could read for others and for a long time...that is how I supported my family. Before every reading I would pray for guidance and no one went away unsatisfied. But that will wear on your own heart after awhile..you feel the pain..you see the hurt..so I moved onto other things...there were times when I knew 'they' were lurking or closer but I didn't want to know..I blocked them as much as I could and relied on God to protect my kids. As far as I know..they have never been touched.
....
Then I died I did. Stress..not taking care of myself..my heart failed. More than once..but the last time I had to have open heart surgery to repair damage and to add some veins for blood..I died on the table. And I came back just chock full of messages and some knowledge of the next journey. Well once that door is opened..you can't stuff the things back in..you just want more and more. The first message was.."There IS so much more" and oddly enough..I've encountered 3 other people who have heard that exact message. I can tell the world with absolute positive knowledge that this is only a scratch in our journey..that we do proceed from this 'school' and that we're all loved most equally.
When I'm troubled..if I ask..there are messages and signs aplenty...but we have to be open to receiving them. We have to shed ego and pride and that little human element that tells us we know it all. Because..we don't. We know absolutely squat...about what makes it all tick. I was having a REALLY bad time of it...I fall into little pockets of feeling sorry for myself..of losing the thread. I begged for some help (whined like a little girl). I'm so glad they're indulgent up there. That night.
.....
In my head comes the command (and maybe it was more suggestion than I make it sound) to go walk my dog in the field.
Some of you have heard this..some not. It was getting late..I'd walked the dumb dog..I was feeling whiny. But it was insistent so I went down to the field with the dog. At least one of us was happy. The clouds were striking...all of them seemed to be streaming into a central hole in the sky..dark with beams of light shining through. Sun was setting in the other direction. I couldn't quit looking at this and I could feel this huge presence...big..bigger than big.. Prickles raced up and down my back and across my shoulders..the hair stood on end on my arms..Oh..someone was there alright. The weirdest sensation then..I felt like I had a sword in my hand and I swung around like I was going to defend this presence. Racing through my mind was the desire to protect at any cost. I'd have left and walked into that without looking back..left my family left it all. There came the feeling of a chuckle..like 'really?...YOU..would protect ME?' but just as quickly...my gesture was accepted..and everything just kind of went back to normal. The clouds started breaking away..the hole began to shrink...and I went back home. I know what I felt that day...and there have been little lessons and messages and hints since. Every day there is something..a reason to continue.
This I write only because it's important to who I am. There is a very real connection between the spiritual and the metaphysical but if you can't see it..you were not meant to. And some of you will. Some of you may see yet another thing we have in common..in this wacky time of learning. I believe...we'll come to know each other beyond the computer too. I've grown very fond of many here. And I know many of you are much stronger than you know. I guess we'll know in time huh? ;D