Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2011 1:56:59 GMT -6
Feb 19, 2011 11:06:05 GMT -6 @jokelly said:
Bewildered...this isn't one of the other forums..EVERYONE is welcome to an opinion and has a right to post it. As long as it's not flaming, or preachy or mean spirited or 'know it all' or slanderous or viscious or in disagreement with ME Kidding of course..people know how to act..some just don't want to act nicely and those we'll let Sky evict Debate is healthy and good for people..it opens eyes to other possibilities and other ways of processing. Please don't apologize for letting us know you better by posting your opinions Grasshopper opinions are as the pebbles on the beach. crushed into sand with the fullness of time. Thanks for the encouraging words, jo. You'll find Satan in a snowsuit dancing on the back porch before I allow some kind of silly contention to arise between me and any of you. That has nothing to do with any reluctance on my part to write about my thoughts for fear of contention. On the contrary, I feel like I'm in the company of friends here. My reluctance has to do with what I'm writing about, instead.
(By the way, I always wanted to use the "Satan in a snowsuit" comment in some fitting way. It sure sounds better than "a cold day in hell" doesn't it? A crazy guy said it to me once...and I thought to myself, "man, I like that!" )
Most of you - save for lorelei who didn't have the opportunity to read what I posted on the old MUFON forum (sorry lorelei) - might be familiar with some of my experiences as I wrote about them in the past on the now defunct forum. They are things I have kept locked away for over a decade.
I could tell you that the past ten years have been a time of great darkness...but that would fall short of the truth of the matter without knowing first what it was that I lost. I had found the most amazing, priceless jewel in my travels; it was a vision of unspeakable beauty unlike anything I have ever seen either with eyes or the lens of my mind. It would be one thing if I had just happened randomly upon such an unearthly expression. That could be understood easily enough, so that when it was eventually lost to me, the pain would not sting so deeply and bitterly.
That was not the case. I was guided there. What's worse, I belonged there. How I was lead there is what's so difficult for me to understand sometimes, even though I do comprehend the answer. Does that sound strange to you? I understand if it does. Perhaps some of you have seen me write this question many times before in my older posts: Why?
I chose my forum name for a very good reason. I have been, for the most part, bewildered by my calling...bewildered what I found...bewildered by what I experienced...and most of all, bewildered by what I have lost.
In many ways, I am nothing but a shell of who I once was. Before where I had vision, I see only the void. My talent was the ability to impart that vision to others so that they might see what I myself experienced...now, I struggle to find the words to form a simple sentence. I pass the days idly, pursuing idle and pointless things, waiting idly for the end that will surely come. It comes for us all, both the idle and the industrious alike.
Just as I comprehend why I was called, I also know that the one who called me knows me better than I know my own self. There is healing - and more - for me, but I know what that entails. The burden in my heart urges me to release that decade of darkness. I don't want to. However, I know that I must.
In a way, it was a relief for me when the old MUFON forum ended. I could return to my idle waiting. Jim would understand.
Sounds like you're depressed. I have moods like that frequently... especially in the winter time...
~hugz~
As for Satan in the snowsuit, I think I saw him driving a Nissan last Tuesday... but I'm not sure...