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Post by swamprat on Mar 30, 2018 8:40:11 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Mar 30, 2018 15:33:41 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Apr 11, 2018 15:20:38 GMT -6
"This video is unavailable"Oh no! Somebody ate it!
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Post by swamprat on Apr 21, 2018 19:18:53 GMT -6
Who says we ain't couth?!
TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
GENERAL 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are
PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING: (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.' 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance. 4.Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion. 5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack
DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER: 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records.
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Post by swamprat on Apr 25, 2018 13:11:08 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Apr 29, 2018 14:12:53 GMT -6
Always ask for a window seat.
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Post by swamprat on May 5, 2018 7:29:11 GMT -6
Today, we remember...
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Post by auntym on May 19, 2018 10:02:45 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on May 21, 2018 8:38:03 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on May 30, 2018 17:19:53 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Jun 3, 2018 10:16:45 GMT -6
VOLTAGE TESTER
Do you have someone you work with who has special talents and is a big part of your day? We have the perfect gift!
$12.49 ea
2 for $20
6 for $50
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Post by auntym on Jun 19, 2018 14:25:34 GMT -6
Kimmel vs Cruz - Blobfish Basketball Classic
Kimmel vs Cruz - Blobfish Basketball Classic
Published on Jun 18, 2018
Jimmy went to Houston to play a game of one-on-one basketball against Texas Senator Ted Cruz in what we called the “Blobfish Basketball Classic.” The reason this happened is because after Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals, Jimmy showed a picture of Senator Cruz at the Houston Rockets game and he likened him to a blobfish. Cruz did not like that so he challenged Jimmy to a game of one-on-one for charity. It’s been a dream of Jimmy’s ever since he was a little boy to one day play basketball against the most disliked member of the U.S. Senate and that dream finally came true. So, here it is, Jimmy’s on-court interview with Ted Cruz. We have already raised more than $80,000 for Texas Children’s Hospital and Generation One. If you would like to donate, please go to the links below.
#BlobfishBasketballClassic #KimmelvsCruz
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Post by auntym on Jun 24, 2018 11:44:04 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Jun 30, 2018 11:16:17 GMT -6
Too true to be funny.....by Pia Guerra, via The New Yorker
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Post by swamprat on Jul 5, 2018 17:29:18 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Jul 15, 2018 11:14:13 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Jul 17, 2018 10:10:32 GMT -6
HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me! In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People (HTTP). And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). That is how it all began. And that's the truth.
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Post by auntym on Jul 18, 2018 13:55:09 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Jul 19, 2018 9:34:58 GMT -6
Message of the Day Take time to smell the flowers.
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Post by swamprat on Jul 30, 2018 17:38:41 GMT -6
A bit of magic on Britain's Got Talent. If you watch, have a handkerchief handy.....
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Post by auntym on Aug 2, 2018 23:21:29 GMT -6
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Post by auntym on Aug 4, 2018 18:48:17 GMT -6
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Post by auntym on Aug 8, 2018 14:35:21 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Aug 13, 2018 13:41:08 GMT -6
Cute commercial:
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Post by swamprat on Aug 14, 2018 9:27:54 GMT -6
One Dark NightOne dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!
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Post by lois on Aug 15, 2018 23:00:48 GMT -6
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Post by auntym on Aug 23, 2018 19:43:52 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Aug 28, 2018 14:38:32 GMT -6
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Post by auntym on Sept 1, 2018 12:21:00 GMT -6
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Post by swamprat on Sept 4, 2018 11:17:20 GMT -6
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