Paulette's Dreaming

[paulette]

An interesting (to me) update. I saw my sleep doctor after about a month (and the latest sleep lab data) and she had remembered my dream about leaving on a boat, being in the waiting line with my death husband and my certainty that I had been on the edge of dying at the time. She showed me the data and there were 100 x an hour when I simply did not breathe for a spaces of seconds. My chest heaved (the chest read-out), no air came through and my blood oxygen plummeted. She asked if she could use my dream in her next talk to doctors about apnea. I thought that was interesting and broad-minded of her.

[paulette]

Second time at the SLEEP LAB. Had a female teckie who managed to mix efficiency and superficial kindness more credibly than the last one (male). Got to have my machine. She woke me up several times: to replace a lead, to change masks, to ....what? maybe wake me up in the morning. I had various funny dreams: 1. I dreamed the moon was coming the window and was so bright that I thought it was morning (there WAS NO window). So I took off the mask. Of course - I did not take off the mask at the sleep lab - I might have tried but everything was fastened to me rather securely. 2. I dreamed that a bunch of people came into my room and sat in the corner and I said, "You guys aren't real". And THEY SAID - Yes we are - and we'll take a picture and post it to prove it (If anyone sees a picture of me with wires sticking out of my head and a bunch young nerds types, PLEASE let me know!) Anyway - it went A LOT better - and she may actually have found a better mask for me to use.

[Deleted]

LOL@ the last dream you posted. I'll keep my eyes peeled to my facebook newsfeed just in case that photo pops up Paulette...

[paulette]

Nother dream - just before awakening. I was asked to dispose of a body! It was my mother-in-law's (actually my ex's mother). I don't see her anymore - although she was a sweet woman, she and the rest of the family faded away after we separated. Anyway - there she was, lying on a patio, stone cold dead. I was supposed to burn her body. I agreed to doing it - but then just couldn't. There was a growing realization that I was in trouble whether I did this or not because time had passed, I knew she was dead, and hadn't reported it. And I would going to be in trouble with the people who wanted me to do the disposing of.

As the dream ending I was dragging my feet towards a police station, wondering what would happen to me. (I watch too much TV).

In thinking about this dream now, I feel like I'm being asked (or told) to dispose of the body [of evidence] that my clients are not OK and that I no longer want to pretend that they are functioning after a couple quick sessions of cognitive behavioral BS. IMO. Some people are dead, or at least half-dead or numb to the point of being taken for dead. This relates to the other thread I just posted on by Dawn, asking us if we had dreams of harm to animals. I think of John Cleaves, the comic sartirist who did This Parrot Is Dead routine. He wants his money back and the petshop owner is trying to convince him that its just sleeping. Only its our planet we are talking about here, not just one dead or extinct parrot...

[Deleted]

[paulette]

Thanks Lorelei! John Cleaves dropped out of comedy after he started taking antidepressants. I had forgotten about him ending up in the same pet shop - that's like me being on hold while the switchboard operator (the only person probably in the whole building) tries to find a Clinical supervisor. I like the analogy even more after seeing this!

[Deleted]

Human beings are good at rationalizing until the truth becomes fuzzy...

Like the customer who was yelling at me because the card reader wasn't reading his debit card last week. I showed him the magnetic stripe on his card and explained to him that he needed a new card. His argument was that other stores read it just fine and it was MY card reader which needed to be replaced, not his card...

Finally I got tired of arguing with him and said what I always say when a customer won't listen to logic. "I'll let the manager know."

[paulette]

Another dream chapter. I am running along the ground - not anything I do in real world as I manage walking at best before surcoming to lack of conditioning and asthma. But in the dream, I'm running on all fours and my viewpoint is close to the ground. I'm not tired - 4 legs work more effectively that two and balancing over half of one's weight in the air. Interesting.

Also a another update dream from my past. I'm in the house of a man I spent time with after my separation. It was an important relationship which at least suggested that there WAS life after a gone cold marriage. He actually moved out of the area and I didn't bother to stay in touch. However in the dream, I was in his old house. The ceiling had fallen in, and the floor was hazardous to walk on. I was there with, what seemed to be a forensic team! We were finding things and noting them. I see that the phone was still there (a rotary phone no less - and it still had a dial tone!) And the refrigerator, covered in dust and debris was still plugged in and working. I also found a small tin with tightly rolled up bills and a huge watch that looked like something a diver would wear (they may be smaller now).

I thought - I should try to get these things (the watch, the bills...) back to him. Meanwhile my husband I had had a conversation the night before - I had apologized to him saying something like, I know you thought I was a business woman who makes money - but that isn't panning out very well (I now work 2 days a week). And my health isn't great either. Some deal! He told me clearly that he loved me, loved being with me, and we would work through whatever problems we had to deal with.

Once again I realized how he cherishes me and also that although I have women friends who deeply care for me, no man really committed to me with his heart and assets like Terry does. Including my previous husband of > 20 years.

So I did get in touch with the now gone man via FB. I told him that I appreciated the time (watch) we had together, that it had been a useful and valuable experience for me (the tin of money?) and that him making clear he wasn't "the one" made space for me to find "the one". Who I am with now. A belated thank you for shaking up my life. It worked out well...

[Deleted]

Awww Paulete... that's beautiful! <3

[skywalker]

Some of the old houses I have lived in sometimes show up in my dreams and they are always falling apart and caving in also. Usually In the dream I am still living there despite the decrepit condition the house is in. Of course they weren't exactly in very good condition when I actually did live in them either.

I wonder if that signifies something? Maybe the falling apart of the houses is a subconscious realization that it is an ancient part of our lives, and even though that time period may have once been of great importance to us now it is just a crumbling remnant of the past. I dunno...it must be something.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2013 12:43:33 GMT -6 skywalker said:

Some of the old houses I have lived in sometimes show up in my dreams and they are always falling apart and caving in also. Usually In the dream I am still living there despite the decrepit condition the house is in. Of course they weren't exactly in very good condition when I actually did live in them either.

I wonder if that signifies something? Maybe the falling apart of the houses is a subconscious realization that it is an ancient part of our lives, and even though that time period may have once been of great importance to us now it is just a crumbling remnant of the past. I dunno...it must be something.

That's as good of an idea as any I suppose sky... sounds logical to me but I'm not a psychologist.

[paulette]

I like it Skywalker. A psychologist (and I'm NOT one) might talk about psychological constructs. Beliefs that people believe are truth when in fact they are interpretations, assessments, etc and can be changed (ok, with difficulty - but changed0. The reality that I accepted (during the realtime the dream referenced) is gone. I would not go back there - even if I could.

[paulette]

Fragment of a dream this am: I woke up with the fading sounds of what sounded like an incredible choir - I don't even like choirs (much) but I was totally relaxed and listening with every fiber of my being.

[skywalker]

I woke up a few days ago with the sound of an orchestra playing in my head. I don't normally listen to orchestras either. Has anybody else been dreaming about weird music?

[paulette]

I woke up having gotten a phone call (in a dream) from a friend who was trying (feigning calmness) to tell me that someone was in her house (not invited). It was more like a Skype (which I don't do) in that I could see him in the background. He was 30ish, beefy, had thick brown hair, brown eyes. He walked up to the phone while we were talking and hung it up!

I said we had to go find out if she was OK (it was a dream - I would have called 911). We went and I passed out at the wheel - I could not keep my eyes open and everything was black. I hoped that I could just stop the car before the road curved and we went off the side. For the record, I have never passed out in a car or fallen asleep and gone off the side. Never.

Anyway, this dream was pretty well faded away until the news came on and said that a young man with dark hair and eyes was targeting seniors in a nearby town and had knocked on the door trying to get an elderly woman to open it and saying he was collecting for a charity. The police are searching for him fairly intensely as he is escalating his behavior. I remembered my dream and had a little shiver...

[CitizenK]

wow! that is just creepy Paulette, be sure to warn your friend that was in your dream, may have been a premonition!

[paulette]

Another day, another dream. In the dream I was camping with some people in a place that (in the dream) was familiar but on awakening was not. Like, I go there in dreams but not when I'm awake...

Anyway, We were sky watching and I was having a feeling - you know the feeling if you have been experienced. All of a sudden, the moment feels significant. Times slows down. Sounds dwindle away and everyone gets quiet and (in my case) uneasy. There is light low over the trees and there is no sound. It's one of THOSE nights.

Suddenly a bolt of lightening comes down in the same area and there is a loud boom like a crash. We are sitting there stunned, trying to convince ourselves that this is a normal occurance. Which it is not.

Suddenly a helicopter lands near us, guys get out and start firing questions at us. What did we see or hear? Where exactly was that happening??? I end up going up in the helicopter and they're flying in the direction of "the event". They are still badgering me but I still have that same strong psi and presence feeling and I say,
"You do not know what you are dealing with. In fact, not all of you in this helicopter actually belong here." I then watch a man sitting next to me "wink out." Disappear. Now he's here and now...he is not.

There is a lot of yelling at this point and I don't remember what happens next.

So this afternoon, I'm sitting with a friend in her back yard and a helicopter come in very close and so low that we can't spot it through the trees. My first thought is, "That's exactly what it sounded like in my dream." When I tell my husband about that he says, "What color was it?" and without thinking I say, "Black".

He says, "Not a search and rescue copter then - they are yellow."

Thing is, I didn't see it. But I assumed or knew that it was black - military. They do fly around looking for outside dope plants but its early for that here.

Like my dream above, that was substanciated by a news report? BTW my friend is fine. No strangers lurking around her door - the assaults and attempted break-in was about 200 klicks from here anyway in a big city.

[Deleted]

It sounds Paulette like your mind is trying to cope with something it remembers or something that's nagging at you. I've noticed in myself..that my wee brain tends to visualize things differently than mine eyes do sometimes. like 'oops we don't really understand this so lets try to make some sense out of it' and it ends up making little sense at all. I think (since I know you have some strong psi skills) that you're either sensing some incident with the helicopters and event or it's a different sort of event that your brain is turning into something with familiar components.

[paulette]

" I think (since I know you have some strong psi skills) that you're either sensing some incident with the helicopters and event or it's a different sort of event that your brain is turning into something with familiar components" - Jokelly

Thanks Jo! Reading that resulted in the hairs standing up on my arms. I'd call that a Body Affirmative.

[paulette]

I'm not going to go deeply into this one but I want to report it. This morning I dreamed I was waiting for my son to arrive (by plane) when someone walked up to me and just shook her head. "He's not coming....the plane...."

I woke up with a familiar body sense of shock and grief. I have felt it both when a friend of mine died suddenly and also when a relationship died suddenly. Waves of, "It happened...it didn't happen I want them." I told myself "thank God this isn't true". But lingering doubts remained.

My son is walking his own path with a wife who is not outreaching to me. We have had some good moments together but they are few and far between. Meanwhile they spend many weekends and all holidays with her family. Granted her family lives closer. But they are on the island this weekend (I know this because I saw it on FB) surfing and didn't tell me. I might have driven out to hang on with them and watch them surf (about a 4 hour drive). But by the time they posted they'd been there for two days. And I have been out there before (while I still surfed) and we never quite connected - they went to a different beach than they said they would one day, and left early the next.

I have done A LOT OF work to try to get past this with a calm heart.

In the dream, the very end of the dream, we were driving past the beach and a surfer was coming out of the water smiling at me. It was a younger version of my son. He and I were very close on our years of surfing trips to the beach. It re-reminded me that he and I really had been close. Because with whats going on, I doubt everything including that. But it was true. And so I am left with...relationships change; people change.

[Deleted]

Aug 4, 2013 9:13:43 GMT -6 paulette said:

. . . . But by the time they posted they'd been there for two days. And I have been out there before (while I still surfed) and we never quite connected - they went to a different beach than they said they would one day, and left early the next.

Rude. Just downright rude. I'm sure you didn't raise your son this way, Paulette.

So, I hope your dream was just your way of realizing that the idea of the relationship you want with your son, is over. I feel like crying.

On the other hand, you have quite wonderful memories. I have been (myself) contemplating as of late, the possibilities of all "wayward" relationships being healed in the after-life. Seriously. Sometimes, it just seems like "something" is against this healing in the present, no matter how hard we try.

Hang in there.

You are Loved.

[paulette]

Thanks JCurio. I liked the idea of relationships being healed later. If all relationships are a human reflection of the divine (and I'm with Rumi on this) then some of them here are missing vital parts. Like a car that just can't be rebuilt, no matter how determined the mechanic, due to a missing part that is just not available.

[Deleted]

yep.

[paulette]

Another dream. Didn't post this right away but I notice that it lingered around so I'll get what's left down.

I was going to a university class. A familiar theme - I don't know what classes I'm taking, where they are, or when they are. Nevertheless I feel like I should be SOMEWHERE and so speedily get myself across campus to a huge classroom. It appears to be a math class. (That for me is like snakes are for The Lost Raiders guy). I'm huddled in my seat and am talking to a nerd type guy who expresses doubt that I'm where I should be.

At that point, they hand out a graded assignment - and give me one and I see that my name "Paulette" is written in my handwriting on the top and that I have a passing grade. Did I come here before? I flip the pages and note that I've written a story (like a good English major would). But this is a stats or higher math class! On the last page is a graph that looks like an EKG tracing - multipe near parallel lines that zig up and down. The note from the teacher says: You didn't complete this but I can see that you understood the principle and it could be demonstrated like this.

My "new friend" grins and says something like, "Well, you're in."

The Teacher then announces that that will be the last grade anyone gets. That we were be studied statistically and in many tests. If a person doesn't want to do that, they can leave. About 2/3 of the class immediately leaves.

Ok then, says the Teacher. I'd say we could move to a smaller classroom that's more convenient.

In the dream I thought - "How long ago did I do that first assignment?"

And when I woke up it felt like it had something to do with my UFO experiences. There would be no final grade. There might be no explanation. But if we wanted to stay and participate - we could.

[skywalker]

Choosing to participate with the UFOs (whatever it is they are doing) would probably be very similar to choosing to participate in a math class. I think they would both be very painful.

[paulette]

At very least confusing...

[paulette]

Another dream - I woke up (but did I) because there was a very faint clear bell ringing in our bedroom. It sounded like a small bell struck vey softly but persistently. I laid and listened to it for awhile - expecting it to fade away (if it was something outside with the sound coming in the window). It would stop and then start again from a different quadrant of the room. It was then that I tried to wake up Terry (and maybe I tried to wake myself up). Awake/asleep were not clear at all in this dream or not dream. He didn't stir (he usually moves or mumbles when I touch him when he's sleeping - he has bolster pillow to be able to not contact me while asleep (neither of us like it). I put my hand on him (Did I?) but he didn't even change his breathing pattern.

In the morning - which came way too early because I had leg cramps and was hanging out moaning at the foot of the bed (standing)trying to work them out...I immediately told him and the only description I could come up with was fairy bells. And THAT brought to mind another dream I had while being a sick child of the fairies coming and keeping me company but when I said I wanted to leave with them (they were leaving) they told me I couldn't do that while I was alive. Which made me sad because they were so good to be with and there was sound in that dream too - a sighing pan pipe sort of sound that faded off as they left.

So...no fear, no worries, just curiosity on this one. Perhaps a bit of yearning like I feel when in dreams I am enticed to come out and meet with what is in the ship over my house.

[paulette]

www.blaenau-gwent.gov.uk/8037.asp

This is a long article about fairies and how they appear to people - there's almost always compelling but faint music and some people willingly leave with them. In the tales, some of the humans return much older and some do not return at all. Perhaps some humans return out of homesickness, not realizing that their time line is far advanced. There's a couple of other interesting bits in this - that fairies carried adults far away and capriciously left them in strange places. We certainly have read modern versions of this!

Again, for me, the blending of the very olde fairie mythology and more modern UFO mythology has strong correlations. Don't know what was happening in my room this am. I will say this though. I have taken care of some major health issues (not breathing at night!) and have improved my diet. But I have also gotten my paper work together and will shortly upgrade my will. It's kinds what one does before taking a major trip! Don't know where I'm going...(that's somebody's song).

If by chance Terry comes on and says I've left (as in died) - and I'm going to put in my will that I want him to announce that to my Internet friends if that happens - its not like I haven't been given advance notice. And if I'm going to be piped out by fairies - well, that sounds OK to me.

[paulette]

Another dream. (not sure anyone but me reads this, but it at least gives me a place to keep a dream record).

This morning. In a strange landscape unlike anything I've seen while awake. Thick dark red mud covering a trail and the vegetation around it - like the water had just gone down. I get out of a vehicle I'm in, and head down the path, with whoever is with me asking me WHERE ARE YOU GOING! It's not an appealing place to be, but I hasten down the path, even while I wonder if anything dangerous could be in those muddy clumps of vegetation. I arrive at what (I would say as the me that's awake) an oxbow lake or slough where a river had flowed recently, but then either dried up or abandoned that loop. Anyway it was a seemingly closed body of darkish brownish reddish opaque water. Again very unappealing both in describing it now, and in the dream.

People were fishing! There were several trucks parked right next to it including a red one. I say this because the dream was definitely in color. I was walking around muddy tree sections to get over to see what they were catching. One man showed me a pile of fresh caught gar - he said he used alligator meat for bait and indicated one of the "trees" I had been walking near. Apparently they were alligators.

There was another dream fragment about a child and her family fishing or doing something in this same water (but the fisherman with trucks had disapeared.) They were Asian and she was a beautiful young girl - suddenly the water turned red (blood red) around her - and they wrestled a large shark out of the pool and carried it away.

Suffice to say, I would expect to wake from such yucky dreams with a migraine, but actually felt quite rested when the alarm went off. In trying to interpret this dream, I would say the story of the emotions involved are this:

I go somewhere unsavory in spite of being cautioned. I find people there dealing with a cut-off stagnant part of the flow who are pulling fish out that are predators. Sometimes they are killed by this activity - or the child part of them is.

OK I got it! I watched a show last night "Hitler's Children". They were mostly grandchildren or nephews of SS Death Camp commanders - Himmel and Hoess or Hoss. They were talking about how the secrets of the war were not explained and how as children, they, or their fathers or uncles lived next to death camps but didn't understand. One man spends the remainder of his life talking about how the rest of the German population knew what was going on and tacitly approved. My husband watched this with me (instead of leaving, because he hates watching dark documentaries especially with substitles but he knows I have unfinished business with my German past). He stated that his Norwegian father (who came to Canada as a teenager and never talked to HIS father again) was a racist regarding Jews and had told him that everyone in Europe hated them and were glad someone was killing them. I'm not saying this actually was true but its another piece of the puzzle. The Norwegians fought the Germans on cross-country skiis and kept them out the country. They were not occupied. But apparently, they were not fighting against injustices done to the Jews.

Anyway, one speaker was going around talking to German youth now because as he said, this could happen again - economic conditions could worsen and slowly immigrant and others would lose their jobs or have to take increasingly poorly paid and hard ones and there'd be a murder here, a running out of town there...in short that the Nazi solution could be reapplied. Anywhere at anytime.

As usual, thinking about Germans and Nazis and whatever stirred me up. I went to the computer and punched in my father's name Paul Just and immediately came up with a Uboat commando who was awarded various medals, eventually captured, and taken to the states. I don't think at all that that was my father or his brother BUT I think it might have been a relative. My father's family definitely came from Germany, some early, maybe some later. Ostoff's (their giant resort in Wisconsin) was founded by my father's maternal line - Otto Ostoff (my father's middle name is Otto) and the Ostoff clan apparently arrived in the USA 1886. There was a Just that went back and forth on a steamship immediately after the war (I found this on one of the Ancestory sites) and I wondered who got out. I also found out last night that Ostoffs resort was favored by gamblers and the outlaws of the time period - sorta of a German mobbed up situation I think. I spent my early years there. My parents tried to tell me that Just was French. There is a St. Just island off France somewhere, and they took that crest and hung it in the living room. I don't think so...

All of this is fishing in the now stagnant flow of my family. There are dangers under the water - large ruthless predators still are alive there. When one woman was describing her death camp father, it was the EXACT psychological profile of my father. The breath sorta stopped in my chest. Terry was holding my hand and I thought, well...it stopped with these people (who were bravely making a documentary) and it stops with me - who moved away and did not expose my children to their extended family. (And the few times I did were awful and I couldn't wait to get us away).

Of course the Nazis did not invent demonizing, marginalizing, and killing people outside of their bloodlines. We humans are still doing this today (the murders in the Mall in Nairobai were of people identified as not-Muslim). Whites kill blacks, Taliban kill even their own as well as civilians not-Muslim, blacks kill other blacks etc etc. This is part of who we are at present. Able to feel good about hurting someone with slightly different skin tone, economic status, religion....bloody business.

[Deleted]

right here reading, Paulette!

(and I had a fairy-type dream too, not long ago)